I Care

Long day today. Had gone to college to check out the next semester subjects n my net connection got scr**** at home. The ISP has limited downloads for daytime & night time is free. Unfortunately the day time downloads are full (might be coz of Youtube!) So had to access net from college. So had to drive down couple of miles to just access net!! Well as usual the college internet spot was kicking with high bandwidth , however almost all useful sites were BLOCKED!!! Even all proxy websites.

Later had an appointment with my eye doctor. My spec numbers have increased slightly , its not bcoz of the optic atrophy , but rather bcoz of my age!!! WTH I'm not even 40!!! Anyhow color vision is all scr**** up. The assistant was pretty surprised that I could do other activities like driving with minimal strain. Otherwise doc told conditions pretty okay. Hasn't changed much since last time(2years back!!)

After the appointment , I decided to get back my car from the local garage. I'd given it to put a coating for the rains. Work done was neat. But the yellow/golden color (couldn't make out in dark) looks pretty lousy for the engine. The lower part of the car too has been covered by some black colored coating. Also the car starter was serviced.

Then I drove down to the optician's for changing my glasses, after filling up the tank(almost empty, long time since put in some petrol) However after seeing loads of traffic decided against it and straight away drove down to home. Been up for sometime, but planning to sleep early from tomorrow.

Also have to stick to my exercise regime & think of gettin in some food supplements as suggested by a health guru on the boards! Also plannin to start with the eye drops & vitamins prescribed by my eye doc.



Ciao n Peace.

Show me the money

I'm really feeling guilty now. After reading couple of posts on the support board I really feel angry at myself. There were some posts on mid life crisis. About how materialistic the world can become. And here I am feeling let down because I can't earn good pay starting this year. Can't wait for just one more year, seems that DM hasn't taught me to be patient in other aspects after all.

Yes I'm patient with my medicines,treatments but when it comes to other such petty things I can hardly wait. An eye opener for me. Y'day news was that out of 8 people from my CA class that were selected for the internship 7 had refused. That left me alone, n I was in two minds till today evening. But I've definitely made up my mind now. I'm goin through with it ,come what may.

We were informed that details about the project like technology to be used, our role would not be divulged to us until 3 days before the project starts. Also like I wrote before they will be paying us peanuts for the job. But the experience could prove to be useful.

I've seen people saying that the materialistic world doesn't hold of much importance to them after going through our terrible experiences with DM.N now I feel exactly opposite. Hope these recent posts put some light & sense into my vision. I hope I'm not lured by such petty things in my career & rather focus on job satisfaction & achievement of my dreams that have yet to come.


Ciao n Peace.

And some Dermatomyositis , treatment news

Well I forgot to mention my health news. The main reason for this blog! I'm at a stage where I have been on the homeopathy treatment for almost 7 months now. Improvements .... well havent had any so far. But the fact is that my physical condition is way better than the early years of DM. But the high cpk & liver enzyme level is still a concern. Last time I checked cpk was around 507 & sgpt & sgot too were almost twice the normal range. Two months before that cpk was 336 & liver enzymes were slightly higher than normal. The doc told me there will be variations , but soon it will come within normal limits.

My views on my current homeopathy doc:
The thing with this new doc is, He is considered to be one of the best docs in the country in homeopathy. With amazing clinical success. He has treated a person with Dermatomyositis before. That patient had undergone treatment under the same rheumatologist, he had even gone out of the country to Los Angles for treatment. But was brought into remission under the treatment of this doctor. I had a chat with him once & he said it took about 2 years of treatment. So okay , I'm in no hurry. Ten years with DM has taught me to be patient!

I know most people might consider this as too long. But the fact remains I'm in a very good physical condition with very few limitations like slightly lower stamina, difficulties with hot weather(which I think even ppl w/o DM face) , elevated blood counts, irritation of skin,calcinosis,skin problems when exposed to sun for longtime,etc...But are nothing compared to what I had early on. Some of these problem might be even bcoz of the highly stressful times we are facing these days. But I DONOT want to start steriods, methotrexate or any other drugs with their awful side effects. It really pi**es me off.

Something about my previous homeopathy doc :
Also my previous homeopathy doctor's assistant had called. She asked me if I could provide a letter saying he has treated me in the past & had a positive effect. They wanted it to get some government grant. I have very good things to say about him. He was like a God person for me during my wheel chair bound days. Of all people(rheumy,derm,neurologists,gp) he was the only one who was confident that I would be able to walk within few months. You see my condition was pretty bad when I met him. Bedridden, not enough stamina to even sit down, big liver problem,...But with his medicine I was cured of the liver problem within a month. Even though I was on steriods, I'm pretty sure his medicine had a good effect on me. Since 3 months of steriods had simple helped me to start swallowing things & just about sit for few minutes in my bed.

Finally I cant say enough of this, but important not to forget what they have done for me, the few persons who made it possible for me to recover from the dm incident in 1997...My family, physio therapist(been a mentor for me all these years) , my earlier homeopathy doc, my friends & finally prednisone(no pun intended) . Also my rheumy & neurologist(who dx me with dm), but was bit distant from them. Pretty long list I guess but without God's blessings & these people I wouldn't have been the person I am today.

I keep thinking about all these things ,after reading posts on the myositis boards. I feel lucky that I'm doing good now living a normal life. But can never forget the past so easily. Its so conflicting , at times I feel highly inspired by my past when I'm feeling down , while at times reminds me of the nightmares.

Anyhow Cheers for a bright future for everyone. Like they say in the movies , There is always hope!


Ciao n Peace.

Its Raining...Movies

Well literally. Dark clouds were hovering around all day. Finally when I was outside shopping, rain hit out really hard. I had to run for cover, since I had gone by bus. The market place near the station area is crowded 24*7 n theres hardly any space for parking. Fortunately I got a bus waiting at the signal. The bad part was that my new reebok shoes got really messy! But it has cooled down the temp by a few degrees definitely. Its been almost 1-2 weeks now. Since we had any kind of thunder showers. So its good,atleast we have something to look out for in this hot weather.

About the raining movies. Yea I had a sort of moviethon this past week. Watched Pirates of the Caribbean : At worlds end, Oceans 13 , Knocked Up & Shrek the third & one more hindi movie. So heres my expert opinion.

I think all these movies are great. We shouldn't be missing them.

Pirates of the Caribbean:AWE : We HAVE to watch this movie. Say farewell to Jack Sparrow. One of the best & quirkiest characters to have graced the screen. The movie is too good. I would even go ahead n say that its the best of the three. Movie was bit long but that only adds to the advantage of the film i think. Too many twists n turns. Sequences between Jack & Barbosa were v.funny.

Oceans 13 : Also very good. Far better than the second part. I think more than the quality of these movies both pirates & ocean movies had not so good second parts, so fans are prolly loving these movies. Just a thought. Also thought Matt Damon got to do few good scenes :P But as always with such a great cast, we can never have a dull movie.

Knocked Up : Highly rated by IMDB website(which i refer for movie reviews,i swear they are very true about the ratings here) The topic was just brought up in a Hindi movie lately & also has been done before in hollywood. But overall a good movie. Few scenes not for the faint hearted family peeps :)

Finally Shrek the Third : Of all the movies, this was bit disappointing. I liked the second movie bcoz of the Puss in boots character & unique storyline. But animation by dreamworks is of the top notch as always. The new character of Artie dubbed by Justin Timberlake doesnt have much scope. Overall , ok movie , kids might enjoy it. Still love the characters of donkey, puss in boots. Hope the fourth installment(if they do plan) is a better one & has a better story & interesting characters.

So much for the Rain!


Ciao n Peace.

Rush of blood to the heart

Just read some posts on the DM support group boards. Its so touching, people all over the world bond as if they have been living in the same neighborhood since very long time. Such a big help when others can relate to some of your experiences in every day life. Wish such wonderful communities are available for all people who are experiencing such other rare conditions. Life with conditions like DM becomes so different. Mostly others feel , DM people are having just a bad day. Also explaining skin conditions becomes lil embarrassing.

I am bit lucky , that after one year of inactivity I was able to do all normal stuff after that one year. Although the skin condition is variant. Some days its pretty okay. But the problem starts when you go out, its always sunny n soo hot out here. Traveling by train & bus becomes such an exhausting task. Wearing long shirts becomes necessary (for me) because of the calcinosis. Else I have seen people on the train staring at my elbows. When I'm trying hard not to lose my balance by clutching to those train handles.

Anyhow coming back to the boards topic. There was a post on dating. Flooding memories came back :-| I've never said no to dating. I like to hang out. But anything more and I'm much more worried about heart break n other issues related to r'ships. It becomes too stressful. As if we don't have enough on our plates already! Time with N was always good, really miss those times. But then there are ups & downs in a relationship. I wasn't too sure if I could handle that after parting ways.

Also have noticed that most people on boards are middle age, n so are either settled or single. So prolly no one has to deal with dating as such. Very interesting topic though. Dm is not just about muscle weakness, there is a lot of skin involvement. Often, we dont feel the best bcoz of our looks. Spending morning/afternoon/evening at the beach can turn our faces to tomato red in no time. Also when you are not doing too well healthwise, you wont feel like hanging out at say a nightclub. So its quite bit difficult to date with dm , as you can see! But never the less, one can't stop living life the way you want to ,because of it. Me thinks "should live life to the fullest & not to hold back ANYTHING". Go go go!


Ciao n Peace.

Hot Weather & Flat tyres

Long day today. I'd given my car for servicing y'day. Just before turning to the approach road to the service station , I got a flat tyre! It wasn't possible for me to get out & change the tyre. Its soo hot out here , that we could fry 'n egg on my car bonnet. Anyhow the tyre was repaired by 'em today. They also did some carbon cleanin' , n charged me a bomb for it. I have made up my mind, never to give my car for servicing at ths punk station. They are customer satisfaction wannabes , but fail miserably by misleading their customers n chargin 'em like anything.

Like I said before, Its too hot out here. Traveling by train is a nuisance. I get drenched by the time , I reach my destination. The journey back is even more tiring with all those crowds. n Above all I'm sweating like a pig. I'm sure my body temperature is right high up there when I'm traveling. Just hope we have some rain coming soon. Not the stormy weather like last week , when I was caught off guard without working vipers of my car!! In middle of stormy rain.

Back to the internship front. It is looking pretty bleak right now. Got more news that the pay for our project might not be good news at all. But I have made up my mind to continue here. Will have to undergo some financial hardships for sometime. But that should be all right, dont have to change my lifestyle or anything. But my conscience says that I should be working for a good pay job that I'm 24 now. Everyone keeps telling me to be patient & that I would start earning big bucks(hopefully! :-) ) frm next year. Even though I never show my concern for the low pay to these people, they somehow sense it I think! Gotta take care of body language. Often when I feel tired , people have noticed that I look stressed out & tense!! Also my face becomes red like a tomato whenever I'm tired.

Health front seems okay. I'm doing my bit of exercises. Stretching,dumbells(about 120rounds),no more running for me(since last weeks disappointment), will try it later when the weather cools down a bit. The weather makes me feel tired all the time, but the rain clouds are just round the corner...So shouldn't be much of a problem.


Ciao n Peace.

Miracles

Just read a post on the myositis support site about miracles. I like miracles !! Fills us with so much hope!! The posts on the group really inspire me. So many people are dealing with the same disease but in such different ways. All their stories are really inspiring when you are not feeling great yourself.

I have experienced my share of miracles. Although cant remember all of 'em. To begin with, during the onset of my illness in 1997, after a month of misdiagnosis, I'd convulsions n had slipped into a coma. I was 14 years old then and a very active sports person. All this came as a big shock to my family. My mother used to pray holding my hand ,sitting beside my bed. On March 16, I had experienced more episodes of convulsions n the doctors had told before then that they couldn't predict anything. One such day, just like that I called out for my mother who was sitting beside me. To this day, there is no doubt in my mind that it was possible only because of my dear family's prayers.

I'm so close to all my family members and don't hesitate even for a moment to help them out, they too have done the same thing for me all the time.

Over the years have experienced other miracles too, not only in my life but also by people close to me. Well the other miracle that greatly affected me happened this year on March 15. We had our campus placements, to work after completing our Master's Degree in June 2008. Since Feb, only 3 companies had come of which I was selected in one of them. However due to relocation problems I had to opt out of the offer. Unlike the other two companies they weren't asking for any service agreement & the pay too was good. However on 15 March, I got seleced in my current company. Firstly, it is located in my city , I won't have to relocate. The pay for the first year is slightly less than some of their competitors, but is fine with me. We have an increment of almost 7500 after our training is done. So thats really good for me.

However,before getting selected I had spent 1-2 sleepless nights. I was in immense pain. Never in the past 10 years had I experienced such pain in my knees,calf muscles. I had given up on my preparations for the day & was wondering when I'll come back home and take rest. But things changed pretty fast out there. The whole day during the selection process I was on just a packet of biscuits. Too tired to travel & have a bite for lunch coz the interviews were on the fourth floor and the elevators were pretty busy that day. Since more than 300-400 students were present on the campus. However fortunately with God's grace I cleared the selection process without any problems. Now that I wrote down about the dates, really amazes me how life can change in 10 years.


Pursuit of happiness continues...Just received a call in the evening that my current company has got project work in my city and I won't have to pay twice the rent & travel to and fro. But they might not be paying much of stripend !!!! Anyways, I have got to work here & no place else. Would really help my work experience in the long term point of view. Will get more news on this topic tomorrow from our placement officer. For now, hope have one of those miracles!


Ciao n Peace.

Pursuit of Happyness

This week I got an offer to do project work for the company where I'll be working after my master's degree is completed. It reminded me a lot from the movie Pursuit of happyness. We were going to be payed peanuts for our work. They don't have accomodation facilities for interns & I will have to go up down to another city for the project work. On saturdays we have classes, so will have to come back on saturday to my place. That means I would have to pay double the rent. Monday-Friday : other city, Weekends : my current place. So everyone in my class who were selected have refused.

This leads to another problem of searching a job to complete my internship. So since last week I've started moving around town. The first couple of companies were interested but wanted me to work fulltime. That meant I couldn't attend saturday lectures, which is a problem. Since classes,assignments & projects for the semester are equally important. So the job hunt continues. Not that it is that important since I have a offer letter from the company to join them in June 2008. But still it would really limit the financial strain by a great deal by taking care of this year's fees & expenses. No need to dig into savings. Hoping for the best!

Back to football, I knew Becks would do it all over again. Here he was curling a free kick to Terry who headed home a great goal. Unfortunately at the last minute Brazil equalized. But thats okay. Atleast saw the return of two great stars, Beckham & Owen , two of my favorite players.


Ciao n Peace.