I m Mortal

Full Throttle

2011-02-15T01:14:00.002+05:30

Its been a month since I joined my new work place. The switch was always 'round the corner and I had somewhat made up my mind to seek new challenges and a fresh start.

My new work place is a big contrast from my previous one. To begin with, earlier I used to take everything for granted since it was a really big organization. I was just a spoke in the wheel ! Now I am the wheel :) so lots of responsibility , late nights and more ! But I love it. I like the challenging atmosphere.

That's with the good part, the most challenging one was the increased work hours and traveling. Yes traveling and lots of it. I spend atleast 2.5 - 3 hours each day traveling by train or by car if I decide to drive down. Train travel is something I have never done in my life and that too train travel in Mumbai is a big achievement in itself ! If you have been living in Mumbai , train commute is just a way of life. But for outsiders it would sound crazy, unimaginable to travel in such crowded local trains !

I am still adjusting, spending 12+ hours working, traveling is no doubt tiring. To add to it, I sleep very late. So just 5-6 hours of sleep is something that I am trying to work on. My new year resolution had been to improve on that...

Its been a long day today, good fun had some awesome time. So thats keeping me awake a bit longer than usual..

Have a test & docs visit coming up prolly the week after next. Next week is party time on weekend, so cant take the risk of elevated cpk/liver enzymes ! Hope things are looking up on the health front. Not sure how the blood tests will come up, but I haven't felt better in life. With the long travel hours, I don't even have to use a treadmill for exercise now, since running to catch a train and going up & down those gigantic stair cases at the station is a good form of exercise :)

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Its all Happening

2010-11-29T00:25:00.003+05:30

Last couple of months have been exhausting. I worked late nights since had to talk with my colleagues in USA, Brazil for office work most times. Lots of work. Finally decided to put in my resignation. 31 december would be my last day here. New Year New job. Sounds really exciting for me. I have 2 job offers - 1 with a very big organisation the other one with a mid sized company. This time around I am inclined to accept the offer with the smaller company.

Tired of working at these big MNC. The lack of full utilization of your talents can get frustrating a lot. Although the new job would mean a train commute for 2 hours each day, which could be exhausting even more.

Don't know for sure what to do. Also have to book an appointment with my rheumy, I need to take a second opinion about my remission status ? My CPK levels are still high. But I am in the best shape of my life. Last month had joined a gym and used to work out around 45 mins on cardio - cycling, treadmill and steppers. However regular workouts drained me so decided to puruse just morning walks & light exercises at home.

I hope my docs visit throws some right answers at me. I am tired of popping pills and just want some peace from meds/tests from now on.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone ! Bit late on that one. Its been a verry nice weekend.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Moving On

2010-10-17T02:09:00.004+05:30

This year has brought in life changing experiences for me. I am hoping to continue on a high note.

Bought my own apartment ! My neice was born couple of months back !!! It has been a truly life changing experience. Specially when a new born is in our midst. Its truly an amazing feeling and feel a greater sense of responsibility.

Also finally I would be moving on the job front , probably by next month. Have received a couple of job offers and I think its time to move on. I don't like to switch jobs, but could really do with a pay hike. I am really attached to my current job since it deals with health care insurance. I can totally relate to some operational aspects, but there hasn't been a lot of growth opportunities around here. I am also in the time of my life where I definitely need to climb up the corporate ladder !! Hoping that this job switch would be the dream one.

Health wise it has been quite difficult to ascertain. I have been putting in 50-60 hour weeks and with atleast 1-2 hours traveling daily, it can be quite exhausting. I have started exercising regularly and although its very tiring to workout in the morning, it feels really great ! So keeping on the workouts. Maybe will join a gym soon.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Home Sweet Home

2010-03-23T00:12:00.002+05:30

Huge decision last week. Bought my own place !!!! Got an apartment , nothing fancy its a one bed room, hall, kitchen kind of setup. The property rates in Mumbai have gone through the roof and I had almost given hope of getting a deal done. I hadn't even taken my cheque book to do the booking , really didn't expect to like the place and book it so suddenly !!

Few payment formalities , loan procedures still left. But shouldn't take a lot of time. Would have loved to get a place near my family home, but didn't want to stretch my budget too much. Its like a 40 minutes drive from here so not a big deal.

IPL Season 3 has started and Mumbai Indians rocked !!! We have won 3 out of 4 games. Big shocker this week when two new clubs were signed for big $$ Even big football clubs like Chelsea , Liverpool FC haven't come close to the kind of money that was "floating" the other day for these new IPL teams. Its going to be a fun filled months this and the next !! Cheers !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Morning update ...

2010-03-06T09:25:00.002+05:30

Didn't sleep through , went for the morning walk at the beach ... wasn't able to jog for more than a min, so for now just restricting in morning walks.

Been watching 2 and a half men season 5...its hilarious !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Big plans for Tom'rw

2010-03-06T00:22:00.002+05:30

Thinking of going for an early morning walk/jog from tomorrow. Lets see how it works out...

For now just on weekends!! Yeah weekendS :) I just figured on weekdays I am too tired and have lot of errands to do and can sleep only by 1-2 at night.

But shiet happens and I just lost my bluetooth headset. Hope doesn't get too boring ... will prolly call A & R from sunday, if they are prepared to wake up early..going to beach for tomorrow's run..

Colors

2010-03-03T01:02:00.004+05:30

We had the festival of colors here on monday, which is spent mostly applying colors to friends, relatives and drinking booze [Doesn't really need an occassion ;)] . Not a very remarkable day for me though. I did go out for a while to meet friends but otherwise Spent most of the time sleeping & cleaning the house. There is some landscaping work going around my apartment and the rooms are getting dirtier by the day. Requires lot of cleaning.

I hadn't visited the DM boards for a while. While doing so, I remembered I wasn't a member of the site yet. The only payment option was through a credit card, so I went ahead and made the payment. Since the subscription is in US $ , I wasn't sure my card would work. But it seems it did. I tried to get a statement for my card, but there is some big issue with the software the bank is using and my query wasn't resolved.

Past few weeks have been really busy. I work for 5 days a week , not a big deal I suppose. But those 5 days I need to spend time at work very judiciously. Since there is too much of work sometimes and very little time. I am training a bunch of people in my company. Most of them are almost 6-9 years more experienced than me !! Its really awkward sometimes due to the age difference and also I have to explain as if I am an expert in that area [which I am ;) ] But its fun.

Few days back , I had gone to visit the Taj Mahal in Agra, it was magnificent. I was there on Valentine's Day :D

Guess will need to add another post later. Too tired to type now. Going to bed.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

"FREEZE" ing

2010-01-28T00:23:00.003+05:30

I was eagerly awaiting for this time of the year, since I had news of a pending promotion. Last year was really tough with the "slowdown" all promotions were on hold. News finally arrived in. Although had a change in designation will prolly get just a 5% hike or so. Really disappointing. Had been putting in extra hours & working really hard since past couple of months and then you have this..dun knw what the road ahead is gonna be like.

I have spent whole of last month searching for a house , was planning to buy one. Its really difficult now since taking a home loan will prolly drain half my salary. So might delay the proceedings for a while.

Last month had been lots of fun n lots n lots of work. Had been on a roadtrip for 4 days n traveled almost 1000kms from the city. It was a memorable trip, although just the 3 of us, missed Vee & H on that trip. We saw dolphins , did snorkeling , no scuba for me :) I'm not a swimmer

Health wise had trouble late december (liver enzymes) and so had to cancel out on NYE parties. Just chilled with couple of friends across the city , visited all the places we used to hang out during college days.

Its really cold outside today, n my elbows , joints have become all scaly, itchy n painful. Need to put on some cream & go to bed for now !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Scary Stuff

2009-08-17T00:45:00.003+05:30

Its been quite a week, a very scary week. With the swine flu scare sweeping across the globe, it struck Mumbai & Pune this past week. Pune has been the worst affected. Schools & colleges were closed for a week & the government is discouraging people from going to malls & multiplexes for fear of spreading the dreaded disease. Worst thing is, it affects just like the normal flu which is quite contagious. I myself had a scare week before last. Started with low fever on Thursday , I took 2 days off & rested for four days. It was followed by cold & cough which hasn't really been fully cured.

With a weak immune system it is quite scary when such a bug is going around. People in my office specially the ones sitting beside me had cold, cough this week all along. Last week was very long & tiring. On resuming office on Monday , I felt so weak felt like I was about to fall sick again. Somehow managed to end this week on a better note. Feeling a lot stronger now. Still have bit of cough, but I guess it takes me lot of time to get cured cause of the weak immune system.

Work hasn't been great. But taking time off now is difficult as it is a busy part of the year for our project. So probably won't get to take time off work this month. Planning to go see my doc tomorrow , also update him with my health scenario that happened last week.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Midnight Sunshine

2009-07-31T01:23:00.004+05:30

Well its 1:30am n I was really going hard strumming my guitar ... just thought will give it a break. Dun wan the neighbors chasing me away or calling the cops!! Its been a tiring week. So was unwinding this late hour! Have been undergoing some department level certification sessions. Its tiring spending time working on things which are not technical. Been learning about the health care industry. Seems interesting , the health care industry. Wish there could be some programme here like the federal & state programmes in US. Although there might be some infrastructure in place I have no clue whether such programmes actually benefit the needy in India.

Private health care is also costly here but not as much like in US n other countries. We can survive even if we don't have insurance. I for one didn't have until this year. I could manage medicines n stuff by paying directly. Now I've taken 2 different policies, one that my company offers and one from a private insurer. But they don't cover any pharmacy needs as such. One good thing about this department certification situation is that I have been reading some stuff about insurance. I hadn't even read my policy documents , just believed the telecom agent who had called and bragged about the policy. Funny thing is although I had told them about DM & ONA , they haven't specified it in the pre existing conditions in the policy!!! The one that my company offers is a group policy, so it didn't ask much about the employee details.

Its high time I looked at my diet. There is something really wrong with my liver/stomach. Everytime I eat something fried or heavy stuff I feel severe discomfort. My family doctor said it was no cause for worry. But its really uncool to miss all that yummy stuff ! :( Just the other day couldn't help taking a bite at burger & fries at McD. I'd gone shopping for a digital cam for my dad's birthday. Also have to exercise a bit, since my exercise routine has gone out of the window for some reason!

Coming back to my strumming adventures. Planning to learn to play the Blues. Its not goin to be easy but have learnt few tunes (or licks in g'r limbo) Really gotta practise more, but find it difficult to play after coming home. Need lot of patience. Planning to cutdown on late nights some day soon maybe that will improve the fatigue a bit !!

Its finally raining AGAIN here.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Some changes ...

2009-07-19T23:33:00.006+05:30

It's been a long time since my last post. A lot has changed last couple of months , other than my health which is a constant factor. I'd gone on a trek where we planted trees , had some tense moments at work & finally summoned up the courage to take up guitar lessons!

Starting on the health front ... with my elevated liver enzyme levels I was really troubled since last september as it had seriously affected my digestive system. Although I am never the kind of person who compromises on food & drinks I've found that avoiding fried food, non vegetarian food goes a long way in keeping me healthy. Also have stopped the occasional beer (not even once a month now!) I was really turning into a couch potato, but some timely intervention has helped me somewhat. So much for taking meds all these years. I am sure the liver enzymes will be lil less next time on. CPK however was in the high range 700 n something. Still clueless trying to find answers. Biggest problem was that I have lost my medical history file. Its a complete disaster I know. It contains all the 3-4 diagnoses I had before being diagnosed with DM & also all the optic nerve atrophy details. It must have happened around last september or so. After the pre medical test at my last employer I was so dejected I never took a look at my health records for sometime and then I had gone away to my hometown (for training@current job) for couple of months. It was only when I was going to take a second opinion from another rheumy I realised it. I really dunno what I'm gonna do without it. Prolly might go to the hospital where I consulted my rheumy previously till he retired.

On the job front, it looked really bleak. I spent some tense months here, knowing well my potential and the kind of work I was doing I really felt depressed. Funny thing is I'm working on a healthcare project!! I guess I should have been more thrilled to work in an area that has affected my life so closely. Yet the quality of work really makes me feel sad. Although I have a pretty long commitment which I had to make this friday, about my current project... dunno where its goin to land me. With the financial crisis going on, keeping a job is itself a challenge so changing jobs specially with my past history of pre med tests is a definite no no. So still hanging in there, but sometimes it really p!$$3S me off.

However I am really active in the social service volunteering group in my organisation. My manager asked me if I could organise a tree plantation event. I hardly ever say no to anyone who makes a request , so declining wasn't really an option. Organising the event was pretty easy, we car pooled and a NGO took care of the plantation activity. The tough part was actually planting those saplings. We had to climb a hilly region and plant the saplings on the hill !! After climbing up for half n hour I almost felt like I was gonna faint! Luckily nothing like that happened. I fell once but didn't really hurt. But was bit scary. My family n friends who know about my situation did give me an earful later when I told them about my weekend adventure. Last week we had entries for the Mumbai marathon in Jan'10. Luckily no one asked me if I would like to participate!! I really cant run for even the dream run which is 7kms. I really wish I could. Maybe I have to train myself and set sights on 2011 marathon, hopefully!

Finally the biggest change was that I took up guitar lessons since last month. I never dared to learn a music instrument since I felt my eyesight & stiff hands would never allow me to do so. But they have started guitar lessons before and after office hours once a week at our workplace. So couldn't resist. I swear I joined it to maybe strum up to sing Wonderwall or summer of'69 someday. But I am a long long way from there. I am finding playing chords really difficult 1) because I really cant stretch my hands a lot 2) my hands have been this stiff since last 12 years!! 3) it was a stupid idea in the first place to learn this late!! But neverthe less learnt couple of songs to play. I even taught my sister n her husband to play couple of tunes !! :D Although my parents complained during the weekend!! I have also found a work around for my stiff hands , really hope it works. Dreaming on to play cool original music someday.

All this has really left no time for me to go on any road trips of late. Haven't really been along with my best buds since a long time. Just the occasional weekend outing for movie n dinner. There was a time when we used to hang out everyday , if not atleast for an hour or so. Those were the good times! Some of them are out of town n even country!! I guess the whole bunch would be together only by august or maybe december. However planning on a trip in the monsoon for sure. One more interesting thing is that just across my office (which is built in hilly area) we have a small natural waterfall!!! Nothing huge, but that stream has got water 24*7 and that too with so much force, would have posted a snap but my new data cable ain't detecting my fone!! However coming back to the place it has become a haven for all smokers (aplenty at work), so bit of a turn off.

Heavy rains have been a nuisance for me since couple of days. I really find it difficult to drive when its raining this heavy. Although I love the weather its really difficult to enjoy the drive with so much stress on eyes. Also have to pay my eye doc a visit sometime this month.

Well enough said, hoping for some cool moments this week. Really gets frustrating by friday at work , hope there is some interesting challenges this week !
PS: "The Hangover" was hilarious :)

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Work, RoadTrips & Busy Weekends

2009-03-17T00:27:00.002+05:30

I've been really busy these past few days. Weekdays are spent at work n the very few hours I am home, end up watching tv or crashing into my bed. Weekends have been really enterprising. I had gone on a roadtrip twice last month. Not very far from home. About 300 kms by road. I try not to repeat my weekend getaways. But last month ended up going same place ... twice !!

First time had gone with friends and really enjoyed. About two weeks later my sister & her family decided to plan a trip. So asked me for a suggestion and we ended up going same place. It was a lovely drive. We had two cars, so it was fun traveling together. The road was a winding road which had sea on one side & in some parts mountains on the other. Spent a lot of time on beaches , exploring old forts. But was very hectic. Specially for me.

In other notable news, have become a part of a social service volunteering group in my organisation. Hope I can make a difference. These activites can be done only on weekends. Also have to attend a training course on sunday morning. So things are simply piling up for me. But I hope can manage somehow in coming weeks. I also wanted to volunteer for another shelter home for the disabled. But I am not yet convinced I will be able to give quality time and hence have not gone ahead.

Maybe once I get an idea about the schedule for the volunteering group in my organisation, I can go ahead with other plans. Since I have joined my current organisation in September. All seems to be going well for me. But always find something missing.

On the health front, its not looking very bright. I feel really tired after working, hardly have any energy to do additional activities on weekdays. Also last time I checked my blood pressure after coming directly from work. It was pretty high. My blood tests show relatively high cpk , liver enzymes like always. But "like always" I am able to do my work without going overboard. So far so good. Really haven't got time for the second opinion that I really wanted to take since last 6 months or so.

I have quite sum of absence leaves for this year. Planning to take leave in april/may n definitely investigate about DM, optic nerve atrophy. I have been so careless haven't even gone to a local ophthalmologist for regular eye check.

To add to my fatigue , I have grown lil bulky around my stomach. Not putting on much weight elsewhere. My hands are wafer thin and exercising with dumb bells , grip exercisers haven't really helped to grow the muscle mass around arms,legs. However have to hit the gym and atleast try to do some abs exercises if not the "gym".

Hoping for a great week ahead n a rocking weekend.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Weekend Blues

2009-01-19T00:04:00.003+05:30

Had a really dull weekend. I was supposed to get the blood work done on Sunday morning. So I had taken complete rest on Saturday so that CPK won't be affected. My last test was done in the first week of september. So it has been quite sometime. I was bewildered when the lab assistant mentioned that since I had arrive after 11 on a "Sunday" , they are charging twice the rate!! I was really p!##ed off and wanted to meet the doc. But he wasn't available. I have been doing my lab tests done here since last 12 years n had never heard such a ridiculous excuse in Mumbai. So had to cancel plans for sunday too. Very boring!

I haven't been feeling good lately. There seems to be a problem with my liver. I hope its not a big issue. Also my left leg really hurts when I bend it. It is happening since sometime now. Haven't really gone to my doctor and sought his opinion on these matters. So planning to do that next week.

After coming back from training life here has been very unusual. I seem to be going through a trance like phase. The passion from my work seems to have gone out of the window. I hope the training starting on tuesday might rub me the right way. Interestingly the project I have been associated with is of the health care industry. I hope I become a domain expert over some time. Also I have joined a NGO kind of team in my company which helps disabled people, poor children & others. Looking forward to take active part in its activities.

Next weekend is a long weekend since our Republic day falls on monday. So might go to my aunt's place along with my family. Was planning to drive down, but had to cut short my plans since my leg isn't feeling that good. Last week when I had gone to a nearby hill station , my leg had cramped up so much that I had to walk with a limp. There is no mode of transport other than horses there!! Yeah quite a peculiar place. Since all my friends were there didn't have the heart to go my seperate way. We walked for almost 10kms that day. No wonder my leg isn't in a great shape yet!! Hope it recovers fast. Looking forward to a great weekend ahead!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Experience of a lifetime

2008-11-24T20:08:00.002+05:30

Its been amazing 2 months at my hometown. Earlier I was not too enthusiastic about moving into another city/town for fear of not able to continue my treatment. But the journey so far has been good out here! My stay is almost over and we are expected to move back to our city by first week of december. But it has been wonderful to stay in my hometown ,explore my roots & at the same time undergo 2 months of hectic training.

My outlook towars life has gone a big change. I feel a lot more secure now. Having faced unexplored territories. I always wanted to explore my roots. This was a great opportunity. I had gone to our village & have been going to all places where my grandparents used to stay. I have made loads of friends here. However it sometimes becomes too intruding!!! My phone bills have gone off the roof since last 2 months. Really looking forward to meet all my friends in december.

Health was one area I had delayed going out of my city. But I have been able to manage somehow. I was really nervous when I used to feel not so good. Although I will prolly go for a second opinion once I'm back. I got to play a lot of table tennis (ping pong!) here. There is a gym as well, but never got the chance or energy to go there! Its been 2 months since I have worked out. Missing my personal gym at home.

Another problem here was the food. Since we couldnt cook anything at the guest house. So had to rely on restaurants n other places. However the local food was awesome. There is a special ice cream here which is covers 3 floors!

I will really miss this place once I have gone back. I hope that in future I can afford to take a place here n come for vacation or something!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

My Home Town

2008-09-21T10:55:00.002+05:30

Few weeks back I was really not sure whether to pursue a career in my field of work. Since every big organisation had a pre employment medical test. So after all this hard work of completing a master's I found it frustrating. Also the disappointment of my previous employers hadnot really sunk in. During this I have got a good break. My current company has been acquired by a very big IT provider. The benefits are very good. I couldn't ask for a better job.

They are providing medical benefits & most importantly they are an "Equal opportunity employer". So no distinction between employees. I was really inspired seeing one of our trainers who is visually challenged. He is an amazing person with such great spirit. It has renewed more confidence in me. We have training for 2-3 months & will be back home only by december. So finally the job hunt is over. Just few more miles left before I will be deployed to a project. Signing off on a good note :)

Ciao n Peace,1mM0rT3l

Another New Adventure

2008-09-12T02:37:00.002+05:30

I am not a big fan of surprises. The one I got a month back regarding my job was pretty devastating. Times have changed! I had received a call yesterday regarding an interview. So after my training class I reached there. I got selected! I was really surprised & I wasn't too interested at first. Since there were scores of engineers & freshers. I hadn't prepared ,not one bit! But I guess my previous experience helped. The selection process had started in the morning at 9-10. I had reached there at 4 & my reviewing started at around 5:30. From my batch only 6 people got selected. I hope I can make the most of this opportunity. Also the pay is little better than my previous employer :D & the work place would be close to home!

I do have 2 months training in another state. It's not all over yet though. Still have a medical test during joining formalities. But the key thing is I will be able to work close to my home once the training is done. Luckily the training is in my hometown. Yeah!! That was a clincher. I haven't been to my hometown in ages. In fact so far I have been there just 3 times. Twice when I was very young and once two years back! The places down south specially my hometown have a real mistique. I am really drawn towards my native place. It is not a town/village anymore and has turned into a city now! With all mnc's wanting to set their development centers n plants!

Although the pre employment medical test is there, I am feeling confident that I might clear. The Holy presence of our Family Deity is really inspiring at that place. There are many temples there & each has got a beauty unparalleled.

After the frustration of last few months , I am feeling much more relaxed. Really looking forward to this new & great experience. But definitely making a promise of not getting discouraged one bit if things aren't rosy as it seems now. Hope I make it through the joining formalities !!!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Officially Messed Up

2008-09-05T01:40:00.002+05:30

I have been having a hard time since last 2 months on the job front. My previous employer kept me waiting for a month saying that although I'd not cleared the preemployment medical test, I was being considered for a contract position. After all this waiting when I called up my Business Unit HR few days back , he shocked me out of my senses.

He gave it to me straight, told that I could work for 3-4 months & maybe extend for couple of months until I find a suitable job. They are paying $|-|!t , not even 1/3 of what I was supposed to get. It surely wont be enough for me, considering all the retraining I might have to do. I am at a complete loss of words. I trusted my project manager completely and look where it has landed me into. He told that he would have a word with the delivery manager. I really don't want anything to do with this company any more. But am waiting patiently since I have to collect few cheques n documents before leaving. I have to put up with them for few more days I guess. I really feel like screaming at them.

More than the disappointment of losing a dream position I am feeling really sad about the current situation. I have worked really hard , completed all my courses, company training at the same time coping with the sh!ttiness of DM & ONA worked for an year at the same place and now they are declaring me medically unfit. I am not sad that I have to find maybe a better job, but the fact that all the hard work, physiotherapy & ignoring the symptoms to achieve my goals have resulted into nothing. I feel like my master's degree has been a waste.

Anyhow about my present situation, I have started retraining in another technology. I was working on an ERP which is being mostly implemented in all large organisations. Which means I might have to cope with the embarrassment of medical tests again if I search for a job in my current domain. I have made a promise to myself. Not to be humiliated by any such medical nonsense. I am going to clear these issues with the HR in the interviews itself. I do not want to work at any place which is not an equal opportunity employer. To hell with them.

On the health front, my cpk is high along with liver enzymes. More importantly my blood pressure has shot up. I have started new meds. For my eyes have started some natural sources of vitamin A & some eye care products. I am really stressed out right now & was wondering whether to take up a less stressful job for a month or two , which has nothing to do with my work tensions.

I have to give my project manager a call tomorrow. I really want to give a vocal bashing to the hr, chief medical officer & my piece of mind to my pm & pl and all those fools who made me work at my best while they were lazing around enjoying extra benefits. The more I think about my department , the more angry I get. Whether the innumerable calls I answered explaining them in detail regarding the business processes or helping them complete documentation for all the workitems, which wasn't really my responsibility or completing workitems in record time. I just can't let go off this frustrating experience.

I really hope I can forget this horror someday , look back and say "Never Mind". But till then its going to be hell of a mental struggle. I feel like a ghost, specially when I'm around friends during weekend. I do not want to spend cheery time putting up a smiling face. Its really not helping me personally. I really hope that my faith in all good things prevails. I try to look up on things I believed in when I was first diagnosed with DM. Signing off on one such thought that helped me cope with DM.

"Tough times never last , But tough people do !"

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Old is Cold

2008-08-18T00:59:00.002+05:30

I'm having rough few weeks. It all began with the premedical test that I didn't clear. Followed by the contract position offer to which I said Yes. It was followed by a bout of flu. Just when things were looking to be under control, I caught the bug again y'day. Its very difficult now to identify whether the weakness I'm experiencing is because of DM or the bug.

I'm learning a new technology on the side n planning to move to a smaller organization in the near future. But the cold/cough is making it very difficult to hold on to that 1000 pages + book. I wish I had something lighter to read now. Reading ebooks is out of the question ,since my eyes tire quickly when I'm in such a weakened state.

I've completely ignored DM n ONA for couple of months now. Don't remember the last time I got blood work done. I'm due to get a test soon, before my doc's appointment. Also the second, third opinions which I was really looking forward to might not happen quick enough bcoz of the insurance thing.

In other news , I have hardly watched any tv since last month. I catch up on movies n tv series on my comp/malls. So I missed watching India's first individual Gold medal. Also three boxers have moved into quarterfinals, so hope we get more medals there. The tennis duo was a disappointment. Hope we can finally break the jinx of winning a single medal every olympics. Sincerely hope this gold medal brings in some corporate sponsors for all the promising athletes rather than our lethargic cricket team. I'm sure they will win lot more medals next time with some much needed financial boost.

I've been feeling miserable since last month , with all the hype at office surrounding my health. I have tried my best to keep it away from others so that I can get challenging opportunities to work on. In between got my results, so finally done with my master's now! Got a pretty good score n scored a distinction grade in my final semester! Hope things turn around for the good on the health front.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Tough Times

2008-07-27T01:13:00.003+05:30

Past few weeks have been quite difficult for me personally. I had to finally face issues that I was dreading for the last couple of years. But I'm doing all right now.

My personal problems aside, it has been terrible times to live in India. As serial blasts rocked Banglore yesterday, followed by even worse blasts in Ahmedabad today. Lets hope our prayers are answered soon & these sadistic terrorists receive the punishment they deserve. Words cannot describe the grief & the helplessness that a comman man feels under such situations. Some of the bombs planted today were near civic hospitals where the injured victims were being taken to. I hope the government takes a united stand & take some desperate measures to curtail such inhuman acts.

That being said, Indian people are mentally very strong. I cannot imagine people from any other part of the world reacting so swiftly & gaining normalcy within such short time. It hurts , but people have learnt to move on. My prayers are with the victims , their families & the people of these cities.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Tough Luck

2008-07-17T19:55:00.002+05:30

My big day came & went awful. Initially although my PM didn't break the news straight away , we talked with our business unit head. He said the doctor reported my case as "medically unfit" & that the corporate hr had terminated my offer. However they said that I could join as a contract employee. It would be like a free lance job, but with project deadlines. Like an independent consultant. I have not committed anything as of now.

Will have to fully understand the implications of working in such manner. Will probably take a decision this weekend. I would really like to see what was in this doctor's report. My thought was that he wasn't even qualified enough to comment on my illness. Anyhow I 've to keep my chin up & storm ahead. What this job would mean is that I wouldn't have a service agreement & could switch jobs if & when I get to work some place else. Some of my friends said I should look for a job elsewhere. Maybe in a smaller organization where they don't have a medical & all. But the thing is that I really like working in such projects having deadlines & competing with the best and being successful at that.

Lets hope things look bright at the end of this tunnel. I am not heart broken. But my spirit seems to have definitely sunk. I don't feel the same about my company anymore or doctors for that matter. Bottom line I have to work some place paying similar kind of salary else continue here, minus the insurance & some other goodies. Life goes on.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

The Dark Knight

2008-07-15T21:39:00.004+05:30

The Dark Knight finally releases this friday. Been looking forward since last couple of months. It has got some rave reviews. Hope it lives up to the expectations. Hoping to catch it this friday / saturday!

In other news, haven't still received the joining letter. Suspense is mounting , I hope I can adjust to whatever happens next. Hoping for the best though. Very difficult to concentrate on work, but doing my best & hoping my efforts will outweigh my medical situation. People simply didn't understand the gravity of the situation when I explained my problem. My PM seemed nonchalant & said there would be no issue , TL said we will handle if & when it comes up. But its really bothering me. Hope that they give us the joining letter by tomorrow else planning to have a "talk" with HR on thursday. Training starts on 22 & have been called for induction programme on monday. Praying for a wonderful weekend!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

My Pre Med Test

2008-07-13T11:41:00.004+05:30

Last 2 days have been one of the worst ones in the last 6 years or so. I had my pre employment medical test. Some of the other candidates who had come on friday were given a clean chit & their reports were submitted to the HR. While I was told to come again on sat to meet the senior ophthalmologist & a senior physician. This was one test that I have been dreading since last couple of years. I'm physically fit to do any kind of work. However I cannot see anything with my right eye , can only count fingers & have to rely on my left eye completely. Also my DM papers state the critical condition I was in way back in 1997. Maybe its because of the health insurance or whatever, but these people kept on investigating as if I had some really big problem.

The physician was adamant that my case was a "burn out" case & said there weren't any problems. However the chief medical officer kept on insisting that the case needs to be discussed more. I reminded them several times I have been working at the same place since last July & didn't face any problems with my daily activities. To add to my woes I have misplaced my current med records. I searched them for 2 days but couldn't find them. Ordering a second set of copies from the lab will take some time. So was able to show only my old records. However I said that I was willing to undergo any test that they would like to investigate. However they simply didn't commit anything and said they would mail the report to the HR.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. This job really means a lot to me. On monday I will be putting a word to my project manager, if they consult him regarding my performance. I'm extremely confident that my team will support me. However problem with such companies is the insurance. Anyhow, I will have to put forth my case , in case things dont look good. I just hope conditions favor me. I'd to face this situation one day or the other. Can't keep working at places without insurance,n other benefits. Anyhow hoping for the very best now!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Office Space

2008-07-05T14:13:00.003+05:30

Things can turn pretty wild in a matter of hours. Well something similar happened yesterday. We were scheduled to join work on 22 , but things heated up. We were categorically told to join on monday by our office y'day. Our team had the notion that joining on monday was optional since we wouldnot be on company payroll before 22. But the project requirements were such that it needs immediate resources. Unfortunately we were given an ultimatum that if we didn't join by monday then we would be joining with rest of the joinees in september or later. With the IT slowdown looming large since last couple of months this meant ominous signs.

It was only because we had done our internship last year , we were given an opportunity to work early. 3 out of 6 members have decided to start working from monday, I am one of them. I tried to convince others to join but they wouldn't relent. Although we won't be getting our normal pay for this period of 15 days , the office has made arrangements for our travel n we would be given an allowance. I thought that its fine ,as it is we weren't doing anything productive. Refusing this would mean to wait for couple of months, or look for another job till then. Last couple of years haven't been easy since studying for a master's degree meant that I could never work full time during this period. So I want to start working immediately.

Well I am deeply saddened by the fact that our group of friends won't be together. Somewhere down the line we might be able to spend time together when these people join later in some other department. But last year work was fun because of everyones involvement & commitment. Life however goes on. Last few weeks have been lil weird. Couple of my closest friends have left town to go overseas to study / work & now this. I will miss all of them. However my personal life is looking bright. Hoping for things to be bright on the health front too.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

In Waiting

2008-07-04T00:28:00.004+05:30

I have been patiently waiting for the past couple of days to join my workplace. It's been almost 3 months since my "exams" break. I was supposed to join on 24 June , but due to HR policies have to wait almost a month to complete some sort of induction training. This is really bad news & am really fed up of all this waiting. The worst part is after joining on 22July, I'll have to wait for almost a month doing training before I actually rejoin my project. Although the place is far off I preferred to stay here finally coz I simply love my work. I enjoy working on my current project. Theres never a dull moment.

Y'day the doc's receptionist had called n asked me if I could come down for my appointment. I had totally forgotten about it since last month. He wasn't talking much about change of medication or anything. I did remind him of my liver problem & blood pressure. But he wasn't too worried about it. I do want to take a second opinion of a rheumy in a month or two. The case with rheumys is that my earlier doc was the best but he retired some time back. Although his assistants are good but haven't continued my treatment there. Will have to consult my family doc or someone to guide me to a proper choice for the second opinion I've been seeking for a long time now.

I have been reading couple of books, exercising , going for a jog now & then. Still have to wait for 18 more days !! before rejoining work. Hoping for good results in between. Final semester results might be out the same time I guess.

Oh & btw the new Coldplay album Viva La Vida is awesome !!!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

My Holiday

2008-06-17T01:58:00.003+05:30

Finally done with all the studies! I got to complete the master's degree in the last week of may. It's been a very long time - 3 Years. I'm awaiting the results , might be out in July. So since last 15 days or so I am free. I haven't started working & have just taken some time off. I'll be joining with my current employer by next week. Have to meet them on wednesday for "talks". Hope everythings a breeze & goes as planned. Although I've been working here since last year I was a non employee & was completing an internship. Not the high paying job types, but allowed me time off work to complete studies & get those 1 1/2 months off before exams.

Well on the health front I'm really messed up. My lab tests were high last time. I haven't gone for even one appointment nor consulted anyone for second opinion. I guess I will have to do that after my paycheque arrives. For now although I'm feeling allright , I really get tired after working out. I had planned to use this break as a self improvement exercise which has gone horribly wrong from the one I had planned. I look as if I have gained some pounds but the weighing machine doesn't agree. My weight still remains constant but I look like I have gained some.

I had planned a very hectic exercise routine. But torrential rains have messed up all the plans. I had thought of jogging/walking for couple of hours each day. Sad part is I have yet to go out for a long jog even once. Although I go out a lot , it is mostly at night time with friends to hang out. All my friends are in town this month. One of them is returning to aussie land while the other one is going for higher studies! Whereas others are weary working 12 + hours. We enjoyed last couple of days. This may go on for till last week of june. Then we will be back to our routine. Saturday nights won't be the same there after.

It's rainy season out here n its been raining cats n dogs since last 10 days or so. Although I love goin out on a drive , weekend road trips. I'm avoiding driving at night time / when raining. Not too much fun I've to stretch my eye balls out of the sockets to view clearly. The alternative treatment for the optic nerve atrophy hasnt really helped. The only treatments we can find on websites is stem cell research which might take ages I guess. Try to be optimistic on that front , but its really frustrating. Although I still stay glued to the lcd to watch movies / tv.

I should really stop watching this stuff. I had gone crazy n watched lots n lots of movies. You name it n I have watched all the movies. I dun like to spend monie on movies that suck. But just couldn't help last couple of days. I won't write about the movies since its plain silly. I leave that too the learned imdb people. But might go n watch the happening this week. Heard its not so great , but cant avoid shyamlan's movies. Well I have nothing much happening to write home about since last month. Hope the exciting period starts now. After finishing with the "talks" on wednesday hoping to join the "corporate world" next week. Looking forward for the good times.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Lab Tests & Doc's Visit

2008-05-03T02:21:00.004+05:30

Been a long time since my last post. Well I've been busy with work. Once my project was completed I was busy lazing around! Had the lab tests done yesterday. Well CPK, LDH is high yet again. CPK has come down to 426 from the 990s, that was lil relief. But I HAVE to take a look at the treatment when my exams are done. Its been ages since I have taken any real interest in my lab tests,treatment.

I have been on this homeopathy treatment for almost 1 1/2 year. Things have not changed much. My CPK hasn't come down to the normal range & it really gets on my nerves. I'm wondering whether I should go for a second opinion. I'm lil scared to start new treatment. I'm sure if I go to a rheumy he will put me on prednisone / methotrexate. I'm not to keen on that. Since I was able to cope with work stress & weekend lectures at coll quite well this last year. I really don't want my treatment affecting my daily life in any way now.

I really don't know where my DM journey is going. I really have to utilize my time after exams. I'll have to do some research & maybe take more than a second opinion. Once my full time job starts I won't be able to change my treatment or schedule appointments. One more thing on my plate now is my junk food habits. I have to stop that at any cost. High level of liver enzymes have to come down!

Last week I didn't really exercise or had gone for any long walks. I was feeling very stiff. So I took a really long walk from the lab to home. My legs are still hurting! My exams are nearby. This is my final semester. Hope I feel better next few weeks. Need all the strength I can get!

Hoping for the best for the next few weeks !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Routine stuff

2008-02-15T22:05:00.002+05:30

Well past few months have just whizzed by. In between I had bouts of cold , cough & the weather seemed to get worse each day. Finally we are seeing some long lasting sunshine. It has never been this cold in our city before. We had the coldest day in 42 years (or was it 45?) Someone staying in other part of the country might be wondering 'what's the big deal?' coz the coldest it got was about 8.4 degrees !! Thats all.

Anyhow I really don't like cold weather bcoz of the stiffness & skin trouble. Moreover coz of the elevated cpk, my doc has told to stop exercising for a while & see if it changes things. Well to be frank I'm feeling really bloated now. I do walk a bit. Since the walk from the bus stop to home is about 20 mins or so. But I miss the exercise routine.

I was so immersed in work that I have totally forgotten about the final semester. Results of previous sem might be out anytime. I hope I can complete this one last test successfully. Then maybe I can really concentrate on one thing at a time. Health first then work. Work is really good. I really like what I'm doing. But I might look for better job opportunities , maybe little closer to home. Currently I'm traveling about 3 hours a day. Which is okay by todays standard. With all the traffic in city. But I could really get some time for myself in future if I can work closer to home.

Health wise its the same thing. I'm continuing the homeopathy treatment. But haven't really done a blood test lately. I'm thinking I will do it only after 15 April or so. My project is upto March 31. Then have a month / & a half break & will rejoin in may end / june.

Vision hasn't really changed at all. So not much improvement there. Also I broke my specs this week. Not that it is affecting any activities. But I HAVE to get new ones on saturday itself. Don't think will move on sunday!

Andd finally about vday...was at home!! lol ... On a more serious note , my mum wasn't feeling well since the minor operation. So was looking after her ,since dad had to rush to office for 2 days. Did get to eat loads of chocolates today at office !! Some1 had kept some empty wrappers too!! Had to sing a song & laugh in 5 different ways as a punishment since I wasn't in the Hawaiian dress code today!!!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Back to Work

2007-12-18T20:06:00.000+05:30

My exams are finally over and its time to go back to work. Had a week off. I'm not feeling that good before joining work. I thought I would be able to take complete rest for a week & join with renewed energy. But I'm feeling drained after spending the whole week out, mostly traveling & going to college for couple of days.

Exams were strictly all right. Hoping to work hard from now on. Just 6 more months left to complete the master's degree. Looking forward to getting back to work. Hope have the required energy to work through next few months.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Exam Time

2007-11-23T15:42:00.000+05:30

Its that time of the year when I stay up late nights , not for partying ... but studying. Although major part of studying is accomplished only during the week of the university exams! This time 'round I had made a resolution to start atleast 2 weeks before exams. Well like every semester I haven't remotely abide by the resolution! Anyhow still couple of days to go before exams.

Good thing about this semester was that I got almost a month long break for studies from work & college. This is going to be my final year of master's degree. After working on the project, I am finding that most of the subjects contain only theory knowledge. Whereas the scenario in the IT industry here is far from it.

Coming back to my health front, things have improved a little. I exercise every day. However sometimes these days I feel I don't have the strength & stamina that I used to have say an year ago. Stress of last few months is slowly going away. Winter is just round the corner, so all the DM related skin issues are starting to come up. My face really hurts sometimes. Tried putting creams for the dry skin. But its not improving much.

Other issues that I have ignored for a long time are eyecare & bloodwork. I feel tired after working on the computer for more than 8 hours a day. The medicines for the optic nerve atrophy havent brought about any significant improvement in eyesight. I have yet to carry out the blood tests this month. Last time I checked , liver enzymes were slightly high than normal levels. Whereas CPK was almost 990!!! Hope its within acceptable limits.

Once my exams are over , I have to take a hard look at my treatment. Right now I'm just afraid to start any new treatment. Since the Dermatomyositis meds are equally bad like the DM symptoms. Would hate to take meds like prednisone all over again. But have to do something about the high CPK. Its been 10 years now & am really tired of seeing those high cpk reports. My docs are surprised most of the time ,to see my muscle strength & the kind of activities I follow daily. But none of the treatments have actually improved the blood count. I'm just praying that the CPK is within normal range during the next lab test.

Also I wont be getting the lab test done before my exams. As it is ,I have lot to worry about. My blood pressure was normal , the last time I checked. So thats one thing of my dish. Hoping to chill out this weekend. I have finalized a new car, it has a refined engine than the current one with great interiors , have to decide on the colour once the exams are over. Also have to sell my current car. I've been driving the current car for almost four & half years now! Next few weeks are going to be pretty important. Need all the strength & stamina I can get!

Hoping for the best for the next few weeks !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Long Time !

2007-11-15T02:05:00.000+05:30

Its been a very long time since my last post. Almost 2 months ! I was in a very bad shape then. Fortunately things have come back to normal. I had some very stressful last couple of months. Just a week ago I was feeling that I had done too much. Was spending too much time on work,studies,weekend plans. To my relief I have got a one month break from work,college for my university exams since last week. Exams start in first week of december !

First couple of "holidays" were spent at my sister's place since she had a house warming party and watching loads of movies. Today I'm feeling much better,relaxed. I hope I can start studyin from tomorrow. Dun want to postpone it like every semester for last minute study. Also have to check out some digital camera & car deals. Hoping to get a new dcam & car soon :)

Although last few months have been very hectic, there were some memorable days. Had a great time at work. All my team members are very chilled out people. Also time at college was great. Hoping for the best for next few weeks !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

The Beatles - Help!

2007-09-16T19:57:00.000+05:30

Its a sunday evening and I'm stuck in my room. Lights closed, listening to this song. Somethings gone wrong this past week. So thought of writing about this frustrating time.

Last week, I had the blood test done on Sunday. The results really shocked me. My liver enzymes are high , but more importantly my CPK has sprung to 991 !!! 2-3 months back it was at 507 and I was sweating. But now I have started feeling the fatigue. I just hope this bad patch goes away quickly.

Few days back, I was beaming. I was working on things that I really like. Managing college lectures on saturdays, hanging out with friends during weekend. Everything was goin smoothly. So I just realized this past week, I cannot take my attention of DM. I havent faced fatigue like this for like last ten years. So I'm really frustrated, feeling angry sometimes. But I guess its goin to be a part of life. Should always watch out for the speed breakers.

Yes,last 2 months have been really hectic. During the first month of work ,I was working for 12 hrs + traveling for 3 hrs. During the next month the working hours have reduced to 9. But maybe I have gone over board. Those extra hours that I might have spent out with friends, just to relieve stress of work,college might have cost me this time 'round.

Last week has been more of a struggle than anything. Thursday , I took a day off work. Since Friday, even small walks are making me feel tired. Sometime back I opened the computer system to install the tv tuner card and I was winded by the time I finished closing the cabinet!

Anyhow got to make some changes in my lifestyle may be. Keeping my fingers crossed. Doc has changed meds. Have to make more blood tests next week. Lets c how it goes.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

TGIF

2007-09-07T22:12:00.000+05:30

Just logged on to the DM boards after a long time. The first post that I read summed up my feelings. TGIF :)

I'm really glad the weekends here. Atleast I'm free from work for couple of days. Juggling full time work & studies is difficult. My weekend plans changed y'day. After I got a call from my friend that we wont be having classes on saturday, rather have been postponed to sunday.
So will have to wake up early sunday morning. I'm really goin to suffer those "monday blues" for sure next week.

I have planned for a blood test on sunday morning. So might have to wake up really early. Work front is looking good. I'm finishing up complex tasks fairly early. All of my team leaders were impressed with my work. They appreciated my efforts. Since I closed down a report request that was pending since 6 months, within 1 week. Actually I could have done it even earlier, had it not been for delayed submission of client requests. Anyhow things are looking good.

Health wise I had a tough week. On Tuesday I was so exhausted , I slept at 9:30!!! Wednesday was the worst. As I had low grade fever and I guess my liver was acting wierd. Wasn't able to eat anything properly. So have stopped junk food. So no outings for this weekend. Will prolly feast on home cooked food :P

I'm really scared about my health. I'm neglecting it these days. Firstly exercises during weekdays is impossible. Also doc visit is out of the question for next couple of days/months. Since I return home pretty late. Also Saturdays mostly go out, so come home late night. I could visit my doc this week, but then I havent done the blood tests! Also after working on the computer for 10+ hours I feel really tired because of the "eye" problem. Hope the situation improves.

However personally I'm feeling really excited. Since I topped my class this semester and also got a great opportunity to work on a very good project for my internship. Hope things continue to flourish on the work,academic front. N also rub off on the health thingies!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

# 1 : Yoohoo

2007-08-15T21:34:00.000+05:30

Yeah Baby ! I topped my college this time 'round. Actually this is lil old news now. But haven't been able to post anything ths past few days. I was at work , when my friends broke this news to me. I am really happy , had never topped any class. Although I was in the first 5-10 peeps mostly, I had never got such good results. Wow.

Work is the usual stuff. The no of working hours has decreased to 9. Spend 3 hrs traveling. So that makes it about 12 hrs a day. Didnt have enough time to spend on exercises or meeting up docs. Haven't checked CPK for a long time now. Health had taken a back seat since couple of days. Have started working out whenever I can.

Sometimes I am bit worried. Coz have trouble sometimes while staring at the computer. It could be lack of sleep. Dint sleep too well this last week. Used to sleep very late and get up early. Got to change this habit.

This weekend had gone out with family for dinner. My treat :) Watched a movie and had dinner at my sis' fav restaurant. Glad to spend some time with family.

Haven't read the boards for a while now. Also have to go and meet up my doc in the next week or so. I dont knw when I'm goin to get the blood tests done. Weekdays its not possible and on saturday have college the whole day. So that leaves sunday mornings or saturday evenings. So its goin to be extremely difficult to get it done. Sat is booked off , may be sunday morningzzz

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

15 Hours continue

2007-07-28T19:12:00.000+05:30

My training will finally be done by next week. Till then crazy 12+hours continue. The system is so HUGE, we have almost learnt 6-8 application tools last 3 weeks. Also the training went off schedule since some of the trainers didnt come on the alloted day.

Well I really like working at my present company. Also weekend classes are going well.

Read the new Harry Potter book last week , when I had time. Felt its all right, not great as some of the earlier books but never the less nice! Since last couple of years I have almost stopped reading novels but this was an exception.

Health wise I'm feeling pretty okay. Its tiring but I am able to manage. So thats very heartening for me! I'm confident now that I can manage working for long hours if required. Finally some time to relax now.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Sweet 15

2007-07-08T11:20:00.000+05:30

First week of my internship was exactly what I expected. Loads and loads of work. We have to complete the training in 21 days. Most topics covered in a single day could take about 1 month to cover at "normal" speed.

So had some crazy 15 hour days. I leave at around 7 and reach home at 10. The actual timings are 8:30 - 5:30. But we usually miss the 5:30 bus and have to wait till 8:30 bus. Also saturday college lectures were tiring. I was more disappointed because I couldn't bring home my new computer. n I really wanted to enjoy a movie on the new lcd. Anyhow will bring it on next saturday. Also the university rules have changed n that means I have to attend college can't afford to miss any of those lectures.

But I'm enjoying so far. Hoping for the best that is yet to come.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

I Care

2007-06-23T01:08:00.000+05:30

Long day today. Had gone to college to check out the next semester subjects n my net connection got scr**** at home. The ISP has limited downloads for daytime & night time is free. Unfortunately the day time downloads are full (might be coz of Youtube!) So had to access net from college. So had to drive down couple of miles to just access net!! Well as usual the college internet spot was kicking with high bandwidth , however almost all useful sites were BLOCKED!!! Even all proxy websites.

Later had an appointment with my eye doctor. My spec numbers have increased slightly , its not bcoz of the optic atrophy , but rather bcoz of my age!!! WTH I'm not even 40!!! Anyhow color vision is all scr**** up. The assistant was pretty surprised that I could do other activities like driving with minimal strain. Otherwise doc told conditions pretty okay. Hasn't changed much since last time(2years back!!)

After the appointment , I decided to get back my car from the local garage. I'd given it to put a coating for the rains. Work done was neat. But the yellow/golden color (couldn't make out in dark) looks pretty lousy for the engine. The lower part of the car too has been covered by some black colored coating. Also the car starter was serviced.

Then I drove down to the optician's for changing my glasses, after filling up the tank(almost empty, long time since put in some petrol) However after seeing loads of traffic decided against it and straight away drove down to home. Been up for sometime, but planning to sleep early from tomorrow.

Also have to stick to my exercise regime & think of gettin in some food supplements as suggested by a health guru on the boards! Also plannin to start with the eye drops & vitamins prescribed by my eye doc.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Show me the money

2007-06-18T02:39:00.001+05:30

I'm really feeling guilty now. After reading couple of posts on the support board I really feel angry at myself. There were some posts on mid life crisis. About how materialistic the world can become. And here I am feeling let down because I can't earn good pay starting this year. Can't wait for just one more year, seems that DM hasn't taught me to be patient in other aspects after all.

Yes I'm patient with my medicines,treatments but when it comes to other such petty things I can hardly wait. An eye opener for me. Y'day news was that out of 8 people from my CA class that were selected for the internship 7 had refused. That left me alone, n I was in two minds till today evening. But I've definitely made up my mind now. I'm goin through with it ,come what may.

We were informed that details about the project like technology to be used, our role would not be divulged to us until 3 days before the project starts. Also like I wrote before they will be paying us peanuts for the job. But the experience could prove to be useful.

I've seen people saying that the materialistic world doesn't hold of much importance to them after going through our terrible experiences with DM.N now I feel exactly opposite. Hope these recent posts put some light & sense into my vision. I hope I'm not lured by such petty things in my career & rather focus on job satisfaction & achievement of my dreams that have yet to come.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

And some Dermatomyositis , treatment news

2007-06-15T01:49:00.000+05:30

Well I forgot to mention my health news. The main reason for this blog! I'm at a stage where I have been on the homeopathy treatment for almost 7 months now. Improvements .... well havent had any so far. But the fact is that my physical condition is way better than the early years of DM. But the high cpk & liver enzyme level is still a concern. Last time I checked cpk was around 507 & sgpt & sgot too were almost twice the normal range. Two months before that cpk was 336 & liver enzymes were slightly higher than normal. The doc told me there will be variations , but soon it will come within normal limits.

My views on my current homeopathy doc:
The thing with this new doc is, He is considered to be one of the best docs in the country in homeopathy. With amazing clinical success. He has treated a person with Dermatomyositis before. That patient had undergone treatment under the same rheumatologist, he had even gone out of the country to Los Angles for treatment. But was brought into remission under the treatment of this doctor. I had a chat with him once & he said it took about 2 years of treatment. So okay , I'm in no hurry. Ten years with DM has taught me to be patient!

I know most people might consider this as too long. But the fact remains I'm in a very good physical condition with very few limitations like slightly lower stamina, difficulties with hot weather(which I think even ppl w/o DM face) , elevated blood counts, irritation of skin,calcinosis,skin problems when exposed to sun for longtime,etc...But are nothing compared to what I had early on. Some of these problem might be even bcoz of the highly stressful times we are facing these days. But I DONOT want to start steriods, methotrexate or any other drugs with their awful side effects. It really pi**es me off.

Something about my previous homeopathy doc :
Also my previous homeopathy doctor's assistant had called. She asked me if I could provide a letter saying he has treated me in the past & had a positive effect. They wanted it to get some government grant. I have very good things to say about him. He was like a God person for me during my wheel chair bound days. Of all people(rheumy,derm,neurologists,gp) he was the only one who was confident that I would be able to walk within few months. You see my condition was pretty bad when I met him. Bedridden, not enough stamina to even sit down, big liver problem,...But with his medicine I was cured of the liver problem within a month. Even though I was on steriods, I'm pretty sure his medicine had a good effect on me. Since 3 months of steriods had simple helped me to start swallowing things & just about sit for few minutes in my bed.

Finally I cant say enough of this, but important not to forget what they have done for me, the few persons who made it possible for me to recover from the dm incident in 1997...My family, physio therapist(been a mentor for me all these years) , my earlier homeopathy doc, my friends & finally prednisone(no pun intended) . Also my rheumy & neurologist(who dx me with dm), but was bit distant from them. Pretty long list I guess but without God's blessings & these people I wouldn't have been the person I am today.

I keep thinking about all these things ,after reading posts on the myositis boards. I feel lucky that I'm doing good now living a normal life. But can never forget the past so easily. Its so conflicting , at times I feel highly inspired by my past when I'm feeling down , while at times reminds me of the nightmares.

Anyhow Cheers for a bright future for everyone. Like they say in the movies , There is always hope!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Its Raining...Movies

2007-06-15T00:46:00.000+05:30

Well literally. Dark clouds were hovering around all day. Finally when I was outside shopping, rain hit out really hard. I had to run for cover, since I had gone by bus. The market place near the station area is crowded 24*7 n theres hardly any space for parking. Fortunately I got a bus waiting at the signal. The bad part was that my new reebok shoes got really messy! But it has cooled down the temp by a few degrees definitely. Its been almost 1-2 weeks now. Since we had any kind of thunder showers. So its good,atleast we have something to look out for in this hot weather.

About the raining movies. Yea I had a sort of moviethon this past week. Watched Pirates of the Caribbean : At worlds end, Oceans 13 , Knocked Up & Shrek the third & one more hindi movie. So heres my expert opinion.

I think all these movies are great. We shouldn't be missing them.

Pirates of the Caribbean:AWE : We HAVE to watch this movie. Say farewell to Jack Sparrow. One of the best & quirkiest characters to have graced the screen. The movie is too good. I would even go ahead n say that its the best of the three. Movie was bit long but that only adds to the advantage of the film i think. Too many twists n turns. Sequences between Jack & Barbosa were v.funny.

Oceans 13 : Also very good. Far better than the second part. I think more than the quality of these movies both pirates & ocean movies had not so good second parts, so fans are prolly loving these movies. Just a thought. Also thought Matt Damon got to do few good scenes :P But as always with such a great cast, we can never have a dull movie.

Knocked Up : Highly rated by IMDB website(which i refer for movie reviews,i swear they are very true about the ratings here) The topic was just brought up in a Hindi movie lately & also has been done before in hollywood. But overall a good movie. Few scenes not for the faint hearted family peeps :)

Finally Shrek the Third : Of all the movies, this was bit disappointing. I liked the second movie bcoz of the Puss in boots character & unique storyline. But animation by dreamworks is of the top notch as always. The new character of Artie dubbed by Justin Timberlake doesnt have much scope. Overall , ok movie , kids might enjoy it. Still love the characters of donkey, puss in boots. Hope the fourth installment(if they do plan) is a better one & has a better story & interesting characters.

So much for the Rain!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Rush of blood to the heart

2007-06-10T15:20:00.000+05:30

Just read some posts on the DM support group boards. Its so touching, people all over the world bond as if they have been living in the same neighborhood since very long time. Such a big help when others can relate to some of your experiences in every day life. Wish such wonderful communities are available for all people who are experiencing such other rare conditions. Life with conditions like DM becomes so different. Mostly others feel , DM people are having just a bad day. Also explaining skin conditions becomes lil embarrassing.

I am bit lucky , that after one year of inactivity I was able to do all normal stuff after that one year. Although the skin condition is variant. Some days its pretty okay. But the problem starts when you go out, its always sunny n soo hot out here. Traveling by train & bus becomes such an exhausting task. Wearing long shirts becomes necessary (for me) because of the calcinosis. Else I have seen people on the train staring at my elbows. When I'm trying hard not to lose my balance by clutching to those train handles.

Anyhow coming back to the boards topic. There was a post on dating. Flooding memories came back :-| I've never said no to dating. I like to hang out. But anything more and I'm much more worried about heart break n other issues related to r'ships. It becomes too stressful. As if we don't have enough on our plates already! Time with N was always good, really miss those times. But then there are ups & downs in a relationship. I wasn't too sure if I could handle that after parting ways.

Also have noticed that most people on boards are middle age, n so are either settled or single. So prolly no one has to deal with dating as such. Very interesting topic though. Dm is not just about muscle weakness, there is a lot of skin involvement. Often, we dont feel the best bcoz of our looks. Spending morning/afternoon/evening at the beach can turn our faces to tomato red in no time. Also when you are not doing too well healthwise, you wont feel like hanging out at say a nightclub. So its quite bit difficult to date with dm , as you can see! But never the less, one can't stop living life the way you want to ,because of it. Me thinks "should live life to the fullest & not to hold back ANYTHING". Go go go!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Hot Weather & Flat tyres

2007-06-06T01:21:00.000+05:30

Long day today. I'd given my car for servicing y'day. Just before turning to the approach road to the service station , I got a flat tyre! It wasn't possible for me to get out & change the tyre. Its soo hot out here , that we could fry 'n egg on my car bonnet. Anyhow the tyre was repaired by 'em today. They also did some carbon cleanin' , n charged me a bomb for it. I have made up my mind, never to give my car for servicing at ths punk station. They are customer satisfaction wannabes , but fail miserably by misleading their customers n chargin 'em like anything.

Like I said before, Its too hot out here. Traveling by train is a nuisance. I get drenched by the time , I reach my destination. The journey back is even more tiring with all those crowds. n Above all I'm sweating like a pig. I'm sure my body temperature is right high up there when I'm traveling. Just hope we have some rain coming soon. Not the stormy weather like last week , when I was caught off guard without working vipers of my car!! In middle of stormy rain.

Back to the internship front. It is looking pretty bleak right now. Got more news that the pay for our project might not be good news at all. But I have made up my mind to continue here. Will have to undergo some financial hardships for sometime. But that should be all right, dont have to change my lifestyle or anything. But my conscience says that I should be working for a good pay job that I'm 24 now. Everyone keeps telling me to be patient & that I would start earning big bucks(hopefully! :-) ) frm next year. Even though I never show my concern for the low pay to these people, they somehow sense it I think! Gotta take care of body language. Often when I feel tired , people have noticed that I look stressed out & tense!! Also my face becomes red like a tomato whenever I'm tired.

Health front seems okay. I'm doing my bit of exercises. Stretching,dumbells(about 120rounds),no more running for me(since last weeks disappointment), will try it later when the weather cools down a bit. The weather makes me feel tired all the time, but the rain clouds are just round the corner...So shouldn't be much of a problem.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Miracles

2007-06-05T01:31:00.001+05:30

Just read a post on the myositis support site about miracles. I like miracles !! Fills us with so much hope!! The posts on the group really inspire me. So many people are dealing with the same disease but in such different ways. All their stories are really inspiring when you are not feeling great yourself.

I have experienced my share of miracles. Although cant remember all of 'em. To begin with, during the onset of my illness in 1997, after a month of misdiagnosis, I'd convulsions n had slipped into a coma. I was 14 years old then and a very active sports person. All this came as a big shock to my family. My mother used to pray holding my hand ,sitting beside my bed. On March 16, I had experienced more episodes of convulsions n the doctors had told before then that they couldn't predict anything. One such day, just like that I called out for my mother who was sitting beside me. To this day, there is no doubt in my mind that it was possible only because of my dear family's prayers.

I'm so close to all my family members and don't hesitate even for a moment to help them out, they too have done the same thing for me all the time.

Over the years have experienced other miracles too, not only in my life but also by people close to me. Well the other miracle that greatly affected me happened this year on March 15. We had our campus placements, to work after completing our Master's Degree in June 2008. Since Feb, only 3 companies had come of which I was selected in one of them. However due to relocation problems I had to opt out of the offer. Unlike the other two companies they weren't asking for any service agreement & the pay too was good. However on 15 March, I got seleced in my current company. Firstly, it is located in my city , I won't have to relocate. The pay for the first year is slightly less than some of their competitors, but is fine with me. We have an increment of almost 7500 after our training is done. So thats really good for me.

However,before getting selected I had spent 1-2 sleepless nights. I was in immense pain. Never in the past 10 years had I experienced such pain in my knees,calf muscles. I had given up on my preparations for the day & was wondering when I'll come back home and take rest. But things changed pretty fast out there. The whole day during the selection process I was on just a packet of biscuits. Too tired to travel & have a bite for lunch coz the interviews were on the fourth floor and the elevators were pretty busy that day. Since more than 300-400 students were present on the campus. However fortunately with God's grace I cleared the selection process without any problems. Now that I wrote down about the dates, really amazes me how life can change in 10 years.

Pursuit of happiness continues...Just received a call in the evening that my current company has got project work in my city and I won't have to pay twice the rent & travel to and fro. But they might not be paying much of stripend !!!! Anyways, I have got to work here & no place else. Would really help my work experience in the long term point of view. Will get more news on this topic tomorrow from our placement officer. For now, hope have one of those miracles!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Pursuit of Happyness

2007-06-03T13:10:00.000+05:30

This week I got an offer to do project work for the company where I'll be working after my master's degree is completed. It reminded me a lot from the movie Pursuit of happyness. We were going to be payed peanuts for our work. They don't have accomodation facilities for interns & I will have to go up down to another city for the project work. On saturdays we have classes, so will have to come back on saturday to my place. That means I would have to pay double the rent. Monday-Friday : other city, Weekends : my current place. So everyone in my class who were selected have refused.

This leads to another problem of searching a job to complete my internship. So since last week I've started moving around town. The first couple of companies were interested but wanted me to work fulltime. That meant I couldn't attend saturday lectures, which is a problem. Since classes,assignments & projects for the semester are equally important. So the job hunt continues. Not that it is that important since I have a offer letter from the company to join them in June 2008. But still it would really limit the financial strain by a great deal by taking care of this year's fees & expenses. No need to dig into savings. Hoping for the best!

Back to football, I knew Becks would do it all over again. Here he was curling a free kick to Terry who headed home a great goal. Unfortunately at the last minute Brazil equalized. But thats okay. Atleast saw the return of two great stars, Beckham & Owen , two of my favorite players.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Say Cheese

2007-05-29T00:52:00.000+05:30

I had my doc's appointment today. Due to some reasons he had arrived late, so the receptionist told me to come at around 8:30pm. Unfortunately all appointments were delayed due to some reason. Finished up at 11:30 !!

Doc visit was nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't have any complaints as such. Just the usual cpk, liver enzymes story. My stamina seems to have slightly improved since last couple of days. He prolly didn't change the meds. Btw this doc was the homeopathy one and not my rheumy. I am not too keen to go back to rheumy coz dun want to restart any of the prednisone / methotrexate treatment just for the high cpk. Overall I feel pretty good n can do everythin without much troube. Like climbing any number of stairs, walking , working , studying,... So guess I should be fine.

My doc had some assistant docs today. He also wanted to capture the calcinosis on his camcorder. Since last few days , the calcium deposits have reduced by a great deal. They have turned lil black, but the white calcium is almost gone !! So here I was , gettin my snaps taken & a short Q&A session with me was recorded. Funny thing was he framed the questions such that I had improved in those areas. So I was answering questions with "Yea its improving , better,...". At the end of QA he asked me about my eyesight , to which I replied that there wasn't any improvement. Hope that didn't ruin the video :P But he did say that all tests will soon be within normal limits & that I shouldn't worry about anything.

Well so much for a satisfying appointment. I was in there for 25mins. 10mins he was discussing the earlier case, about 10 mins recording the video & 5 mins checking out my experiences in the last month and a half!!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Family Guy

2007-05-28T01:02:00.000+05:30

Finally we had a family get together! It was great to meet everyone after a long time. I drove down my parents to my uncle's place. We took off at around 7pm. I am always bit skeptical when I drive with my mum. She is not too enthusiastic when I drive at high speed :) However the situation was avoided coz there was lots n lots of traffic all round. For just about a 15km stretch we were stuck in traffic for about 1 1/2 hrs. We reached there at about 9pm. Food was great, we left for my aunt's place at 'round 11.

My sister n her husband returned home , while I took my parents to my aunt's place. We stayed back for dinner the next day. Aunt had prepared all my fav dishes. It was really some quality time I got to spend with my family these 2 days. Glad now that I didn't go for the trip with my friends for weekin'. We left at 9pm coz I have an appointment tomorrow. Again there was lots of traffic while drivin back. Wonder what the problem is ... there is traffic throughout the day these days. Really bad time driving down the highway.

After returning home , my head felt little heavy. Had a lil hair oil massage ,head feels lighter now! Goin to sleep soon, its 1:15am already !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Lock, Stock & Two stranded bros

2007-05-24T22:25:00.000+05:30

I have to write this down. "M" had come to my place to learn some topics for his system audits exam due in first week of June. In his words, I was the "IT guy" who could help him out. So I did.

Now me playing a perfect host , invited him for lunch coz have few days off now. Later after teaching for about 2 hours, I decided to get some snacks from a nearby fav eatery. When I came back , he must have heard me coming. He came out to tell me about something , n closed the room. Now the room usually doesn't get locked. But he must 've pressed the lock button on the inside or somethin and closed the door. So here we were stranded outside the room. I searched for the room keys, but as usual they were no where to be found. Later found out they were in the room itself lying in a dusty corner of my drawer.

So after gettin locked out, I went to a nearby accessory shop. He told me he couldn't help me out here. So later found a key maker. Brought him home, after about an hours work, he finally opened the door. I was left 150 bucks short & my ac , computer were switched on. The room was freezing cold , so that cooled off some steam!!

Phew never again shall I trust anyone with my room! Have to keep a close watch, never know when you will find a more dumb person than yourself! lol Not implying "M" is dumb but still you got to think before you leap. Anyways I have been known to do more stupid things than that so never mind.

Just had dinner with P & S. Food was good. Different n less junkie than normal stuff !

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Wednesday Night Blues

2007-05-24T14:08:00.000+05:30

Well two incidents stung me hard last night.

Firstly the realization that I couldnot run for more than 5 mins. Over the years, like I have said my muscle strength has improved by a great deal. I usually donot practise running outside. Not sure why, but something to do with my speed n running action I suppose. So I never really counted time when I used to run while playing the occasional game of cricket,volleyball,... Y'day I decided to count the time. What I found was truly shocking for me. After about 2-3 mins my feet started to get really stiff. By the end of 5 mins, there was a lottt of discomfort. So I just gave up on the running. I have vowed to improve my running capacity & atleast be able to run 15 mins. And to think of what I dreamt in Jan about running a half marathon !! I would prolly stop by the end of the first mile.

Second incident hurt me more. Liverpool lost to AC Milan! Milan won 2-1. I was sorely disappointed because Liverpool dominated the first half and at the end of the half Milan scored a lucky goal. Just when I was thinking that the reds will win this time too surely. End of the match was like deja vu for the red fans. Trailing 2-0 , Kuyt scored at the 89min. But Milan veterans saw to it that there was no repeat of Istanbul.

Disappointed but not down n out!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Playing the spoilsport

2007-05-23T18:53:00.000+05:30

I got a call from my friend on sunday. Our group of friends had planned a small trip on the weekend. Now me being me informed them that I couldn't come coz I had an appointment on monday !! You just had to see their reaction. All of them burst with choice words for me. Some said they had waited for my semester to get over n had delayed the trip by a week. While others told me stop being a lazy a**.

Now they seem to be right about the last part, but I though they just didn't listen to my side of the story. I took the docs appointment almost a month n a half in advance. Also I might have to start the internship soon , so might not be able to visit the doc later. But they just wouldn't listen. H & V just ignored me during the drive back from DDs !!

My cpk & liver enzymes are at an all time high,cpk at 507 whereas the liver enzymes were almost twice the normal limit ,when I checked them last time. Wonder whats goin to bring them down. Muscle weakness, n other complaints I had last month have stopped now. After good nights sleep since past few days. I have also started exercising a lot. To build up my stamina. Lets see what the doc has to say about the high test levels this time 'round.

I always wonder about this part of DM. Like I have always said, since last 10 years my muscle strength ,stamina has improved by leaps n bounds. But my CPK has never been normal, just once for a period of few months I guess it was under control. Liver enzymes I can understand are prolly high bcoz of the junk food I consume! Anyways I guess I have to stop wondering about such things now n move on...

Finally the Uefa Champions league finals is here. Hope Liverpool beat the hell out of AC Milan this time too!! The 2005 final was the best match in the history of UEFA Cups. Waiting eagerly for the kickoff at 12am tonight!

GO LIVERPOOL GO !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

5:45

2007-05-21T01:06:00.000+05:30

Well 5:45am, thats the time I slept on Saturday. Its been a while since I slept before 2am since last month. Semester exams have been too hard this time around. I couldnt go to bed before 3:30 - 4 on most days. I am so accustomed to sleeping at such late hours that even after having a day off I was awake till 3 yesterday , just couldnt sleep !

Finally exams over , n the next "busy phase" might start next week. I have to complete 1 year internship before finishing up with my Master's Degree. Also have classes on weekends. So its goin to be double whammy this year. Hope I can juggle things around like always.

The new Spidey movie was okay. Not really great. I liked the Batman begins movie more than any of the crap comicbook hero movies released in last 2-3years. FA Cup final between ManU & Chelsea was an anticlimax to this exciting season of European football. Spanish league matches might go down to the wire. Cricket is gettin so boring, hardly care to watch it. Tennis is Fedrer Vs Nadal till the end of French open, then Fedrer Fedrer Fedrer !!! F1 is pretty exciting but with no Schumi this season , current driver rivalries just dont match up to the Alonso Schumi fight. Looking forward to some movies next week on, firstly pirates of the carribean final part, shrek 3 has got pretty okaish reviews. Waiting for Bourne ultimatum to release, its goin to be an exciting third part.

Health front looks pretty bad right now. I am so stressed out since last 2-3months that hardly got any time to look after my health. No workouts makes Jack a dull boy. Really have got to shape up before resuming work. Else I am on my way to become a fatty not by prednisone or by choice :) (person on msg board signs off with similar line :D). Havent really gone out to dine or partyin since last couple of days. Gotta shape up n go out and about. Personally I will get a boost once I get a good nights sleep !!! Plannin to sleep through 2-3 days now. Havent returned couple of people's calls since last few days. They must be really mad by now.

Also have to buy a LCD display for my desktop computer. I was thinkin why waste money on a lcd tv , when I can get a lcd monitor+tv tuner card for half the price! Might go shopping tomorrow. Also have to meet up with friends at DDs, been a long time !

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Stressed out !

2007-05-05T13:31:00.000+05:30

Since last couple of days I am completely stressed out. I have been sleeping at around 4am since last month. Wonder when this is goin to change. Might have to continue this schedule till May 19. My semester exams are scheduled next week. Hope I have two good weeks now!!

My eyes are getting tired quickly. Often have to splash some cold water, try different things to keep myself goin on. I want to have a real good sleep. But hardly get any time to have continous eight hours sleep! I was hardly off the desk yesterday. Might be the same today too !

About DM, doc hasn't changed any meds. I thought as if he didn't listen to me properly. I had complained about muscle,back pain, fatigue,low stamina, lil rash starting to creep up (might be the sun) Hope I feel better next few weeks. Need all the strength I can get!

Hoping for the best for the next few weeks !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

ZZZZzzzz : I need more sleep !!

2007-04-22T23:49:00.000+05:30

I am feeling sleepy most of the time. Wonder whats happening. Also feeling tired ,fatigue on some days. Other days I am all right. Have a doc's appointment on monday. Hope he changes meds n that helps makes me feel better.

Sleep has become a big problem for me. When I have to go to college/work I sleep for like 4-6 hours at night. Then I go to college. After returning home, I have to sleep for like 2-3 hours. I know I have to change this style. My food habits too haven't been good. For lunch I have been havin a chicken burger,sandwich. At night I have some regular food stuff. Hope I feel fresh tomorrow. Would really help if I could feel lil awake n fresh to do a whole day's work!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Shocking

2007-04-20T00:21:00.000+05:30

I was shocked to see the ghastly scenes at Virginia tech on tv. My thoughts n prayers are with the victims families. Such a terrible thing to happen. An Indian professor n student were killed in the shooting. I feel so sorry for all the victims families. Just reminds us life can be so short,cruel n unpredictable. I wish GOD gives us strength to overcome such terrible setbacks.

I have my semester exams in about 17 days. So busy studying. I'm not feeling that good these days. Feel tired all the time. My stamina has been affected. It could be the new treatment I have started. Who knows! I still have pain in legs sometimes. Still I'm trying to keep my chin up n work hard. 8 hours sleep seems to be inadequate. Just today after coming home, I slept for almost 3 1/2 hours. Woke up had dinner,watched tv n now just checking mails.

I found a website that addresses several medical problems. More like a support group. I have joined couple of communities there. I feel like I need a sort of a closure on the past incidents that happened. I know I am still under treatment for DM, not prednisone or metho but just homeopathy. But some things like the convulsions, the coma or the days I was stuck up in bed or the inability to swallow,damage caused by the optic nerve atrophy, sometimes haunts me. I am a strong person. But sometimes in my weak moments , I am overcome with these emotions. So just looking to read other people's experiences n how they dealt with such tough times.

I hope things turn out good for the next couple of days. Shocking incidents happening everywhere. Hope that world becomes a better place to live in.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Hangover !

2007-03-22T00:55:00.000+05:30

After getting selected on 15March, I have been more or less in La la land. It took 4 days for my feelings to sink in! I have to clear the medical screening test next month. I might visit my ophthalmologist n rheumy. So that I can collect any letter that could help me with my employment.

Since last few days I haven't been doing anything productive :P I better shape up. Have to be physically fit, also have to study for examinations for coming semester. Lots of work to do.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

YOOOHOOOOO !!!

2007-03-16T00:54:00.000+05:30

I finally DID IT !!! Got a great job in one of the best IT companies in the country. I simply cant believe it. Truly luck has such a big bearing on the outcome of certain situations in life!

Just 3 days back , I was disappointed because I wasn't selected by another organisation which is considered to be one of the best. 2 days later , I am clutching my knees n legs at 2-3am coz I couldn't sleep because of the pain. I had tried everything. The meds advised by my doc seem to work very slow. I got up early at 7:15 after gettin hardly any good amount of sleep.

We had a test, followed by a group discussion n finally the HR interview. After waiting for almost 12 hrs with just a packet of biscuits for lunch , I was famished. Was really relieved that I have a job offer letter in my hands now. Although I donot have to start work soon, probably in June 2008 !! Yea thats right !! After I complete my master's degree ! So job hunt not over yet. Will have to work for some organisation for project training in the month of June or July maybe.

Anyways this a great new beginning for me. When I least expected it , I was through with the selection process and to think that I had planned to wrap up things early in the morning and take a nap in the afternoon today !!

Signing off with a cliche ...

Good things happen to good People ! :-)

Wooff now I am goin 2 sleep. Will wake up late tomorrow ! Hope the pain in leg is gone tomorrow morning atleast ! Phew.

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Thats the way it is !

2007-03-08T01:59:00.000+05:30

Last 2 weeks have been sheer disbelief. First , we had a mnc coming to our campus for which I wasn't interested 'coz it requires relocation. The next week I was selected for a smaller organisation who are Microsoft Business partners. Pay was good !! But the shocker was when they told me I had to relocate permanently out of town !! So I couldn't accept the offer.

Now under the current circumstances I wouldn't mind goin out of town. But I guess I dont want to test unfamiliar territory , specially for the treatment part. I consider myself in remission coz I can do almost all the normal stuff. But my cpk , n liver enzymes do remain lil higher than normal range. My blood work has shown improvement in past couple of months. Specially the cpk level. Which has lowered to almost 330 ! , which is good news for me!

So I guess , have to wait for few more days before I get recruited by some good employer. The key thing for me at this stage would be to wait patiently for a good organisation to work with. I still have time till mebe May/June. Soooooo have to be patient!

Had a few tests n submissions last week. I performed well in 1 of the papers n scored poorly in 2 others. But will definitely improve during the next test(prolly in week1 of april).

Hoping for the best for the next few weeks !!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

IM HIGH

2007-01-17T21:09:00.000+05:30

Okay not really. Got my university score yesterday!! I have an awesome score!! Must b in the top 5-10 peeps in my class. My professor told me an hour before the results that I had scored really well in one of the papers. So I was really excited before the results n was sure I would do it this time. After my exams were over, I did some soul searching. I had felt disillusioned or something. But turns out I was definitely NOT.

I am thrilled to bits! But since last week I haven't been doing well on the health front. Had severe cough , cold. It was so acute that I felt breathless couple of nights. So checked up with my regular ENT specialist. 1 week of meds solved my problem. Hope I am in the best of conditions from now on. Campus recruitment might be starting next month.

Phew!

I did not attend classes today. Since I had a doctor's appointment. Might have to miss tomorrow too. I have to work on my stamina in the coming months, before I start working. Else I'm gonna miss exercises , just like the old days :)

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

Happy New Year !!

2007-01-08T00:58:00.000+05:30

I should have posted long time back. But last week was quite hectic. Classes started on 2 jan. Didn't have much time for any outings even on weekends.

New year's eve was spent all drunk :P There were 8 of us. I had to drive against my wishes. By 10:30 even I was all drunk. My friend from aussie land made me drink scotch n beer. He had ordered pitchers of beer. Two of them were wasted by the time we reached the car park. We ate something at 1:30am. Thankfully there was some food left n the crowd had thinned down , by the time we ordered food. So no dancing or anything fancy this NYE. Some peeps suggested goin 2 the Nelly Furtado concert!! WTF! I haven't been to a concert lately. n wont go to any unless U2 or some good band somes up. Deep Purple have grown old. n pop singers really suck these days. Wont mind goin 2 kylie minogue concert though ;)

Well so this year's resolutions were to study n work hard. Looking forward to potential employment in some good organisation. Praying to get a good job before summer. Will have to work real hard next few months now. I hope that i have the will power to keep up. Next month some organisation which is Microsoft partners is goin2 come. I am really confused whether to apply for the job or not. It is not a very big organisation, so dont know how good growth opportunities would be at this place. But nevertheless will appear for the interviews. Do hope I get selected as early as possible, so that I can concentrate for the semester examinations and final year industrial training.

Getting back to NYE topic. This year was bit crazy. I have never got as drunk as I got this time around. One more resolution is : No more booze in 2007 :D Have been working hard on my fitness lately. So dont want to spoil it in any way.

In the dating front, haven't done it in a while now. I feel I still need some time before goin in for a relationship. Dating for fun just doesn't work for me. It becomes too stressfull. Watching other people around makes me wish to pursue sometimes though, just for fun.. But cant help avoiding it , just not in my nature I guess. So have been avoiding close friendships. Not sure if that is the right approach. But it always ends up in a very odd zone for both of us. Haven't thought of 'N' in a long while :-D

Time to sleep, I guess!

Ciao n Peace,
1mM0rT3l

The Holiday

2006-12-22T01:22:00.000+05:30

Just returned from a short vacation to a hill station. It was freezing out there. But a real nice place. Had gone there with my family. We had a good time. Stayed there for 3days.

Had loads of fun. Did some cycling , played table tennis , carrom n what not. Enjoyed every bit of all the trekking n shopping. Cycling was a different kind of experience for me. It has been almost 15 years since i rode a cycle,bike or any two wheeler. Yeah! Have often bluffed to some peeps about my bike riding skills :P For the first five minutes I couldn't balance myself properly. But got the balance thing goin soon. I was a bit skeptical bcoz it was pretty cold , n if I had got hurt then it would have really stung hard. Fortunately for me , there were no falls :D Still the maximum time I could ride uphill was for about halfn hour. I was huffing puffing later. Almost cancelled my next day trek !!

After coming back , I feel as if I am fully recharged to get on with the daily routine.

Change in meds has been a concern to me since sometime now. Skin looking pretty bad. There is not much of a rash. But the calcinosis on the elbow is at a high. The skin surrounding the projection looks in a real bad shape. Hope it goes away soon. Also I was advised by my current doc not to apply any creams or take unnecessary meds without consulting him. He is a homeopathic doctor. Now I am not new to homeopathy. I was under homeopathy treatment since 9 years. n I have always felt that , it was the sole reason I was able to get rid of the wheel chair n start walking during the downhill phase of DM. It has helped me throughout , be it with immunity , liver trouble , stamina n what not. The only concern for me was the elevated CPK levels. Although I was at an alltime high with regards to strength,stamina the high CPK was bothering me a lot lately. So I had moved to another homeopathy doc. My rheumy has retired n I have not gone for another rheumy till now. May be I wont.

Coming back to the change of meds, I am not feeling as strong as I used to feel before. But still I have to give the doc sometime. He is supposed to be the best in homeopathy in the country. n his clinical success is simply amazing. He has cured very rare ,difficult cases. In contrast to these case mine seems to be nothing serious. So I have decided I will try out his meds for atleast 4-6months. Lets see how it goes in this front...

Long time no see !

2006-12-12T00:52:00.000+05:30

It has been a long time since I have posted anything on my blog. Almost 3 months! So just thought of updating it.

A lot has happened in these 3 months for me. I am staying in an apartment now, which is closer to my family. No more apartment sharing. Not that I dont like it , but sharing apartments is bit of a thing of the past for me now.

To start of , I was really determined to work really hard this semester. My current semester was the third one. So three more to go ! We will b having industrial training for the final year (sem 5,6 that is) , sort of internship you may say.

However things have gone lil wrong for me since last couple of months academically. I was prolly disillusioned or something. Still not sure. I thought getting off work, fewer distractions would help me pick up high scores. But I guess, I have become bit lazy, complacent may be. That is the exact reason why I thought of writing it down , about what I feel. So maybe in few months time I can checkup on this writing and compare where I stand then. Hope its a much higher place ,position.

So my new year resolutions have already been setup. Preponed by 3 weeks! First thing is to ensure I am ready , confident , at my level best during the final job placements which will happen in 3-4 months time. I am sincerely hoping that I get through to a good company which will cater to my skill sets. Lets see how it goes at that end.

Although I didnot work at my level best during this semester. I still might have managed good scores. Another hiccup I had during examination was some freaky symptoms that reminded me of the time during the onset of DM. Myalgia,pain near elbow,biceps, n all. Was gettin paranoid during examtime thinking of DM.

I had changed my doc sometime before the exams. To be precise, around a month earlier. So initially I thought it could b bcoz of change of meds or something. But now I think otherwise. Hoping for the best , for my health. Hope it doesnt prove to be a deterrent during my placement activity.

My love for movies is still strong :D Been watching a lot of tv series. Started off with Prison Break(awesome) , Lost(gettin boring) , 24 , Dexter , Office( UK one !! not the US one:P) , finished watching Arrested Development all seasons. Arrested development was really good. Scrubs gettin bit predictable in season 6 i think. Dexter is good. A new series called Hero was refreshing to watch. Sad thing they dont show these tv shows here ! Renting dvds is like digging hole in my pocket. But cant helpp itt! Movies - Casino Royale was really good. Dint expect a thing , but was amazed to see this movie. All my friends freaked out when I told them this was the first Bond movie I was watching :P Thats true!!REALLY! Great acting by Daniel Craig. n good looking Eva Green aka vesper. Borat : .............big title name man. Funny movie . But I think it will not be released here , too offensive for traditional peeps out here. lol made me laugh really hard in some scenes. Other movies not worth mention or prolly missed 'em. will try to watch during next few weeks.

Vacation time started off with a trip to a very nice place. I had gone there with 4 of my friends. It has nice beaches . So we played cricket,beach volleyball n other sports. Really enjoyed out there. Had a beer !! (O no) Shouldn't have,but never mind. 1 will do no harm. Had it after almost 1 year! Pretty surprising for a 23 year old personne i think :)

Came back from the roadtrip yesterday. My legs were hurting reallll bad. Entire body was paining n groaning. Must have been the running on the beach. Had a hottt shower. Feeling lot better now! Its almost 2am , so better stop writing now. enuff for a day ! or for 3 months !!

Peace,
1mM0rT3l

My Return of Da King

2006-08-29T23:30:00.000+05:30

Couldn't think of any other title , n just finished watchin LOTR Return of the king for the umpteenth time :D

Last few weeks had been rough. Recovered from the bout of high liver function levels. SGPT , SGOT results were looking pretty bad , 3 weeks back. Should be near the normal range now!! Have been on a very very very bland diet. No fried food, nothin spicy, not even green chilly!

Previously I never dreamed I could avoid such food for such a looong time! But after 3 weeks , it does appear to have calmed the stomach pain.So I aint gonna do somethin stupid n end up eating fried chicken or fries :P (or even pizza/burgers for that matter!)

Missed lectures for almost 2 weeks ! So have a lot of catching up to do!! Hope things turn out fine. Coz have some examinations next week. Have to submit some papers.

Hope I return to my previous healthy state real soon.

Ciao ,
1mM0rT3l

My Hungry Days I

2006-08-08T16:03:00.000+05:30

This is what I had for lunch today,
1 banana , 2 sandwiches with cucumber + tomato n no butter !! no tuna,no chicken !
1 bowl of yoghurt.
Thats all. Just y'day i had a stew which tasted like soup. I had it with bread (ew!) Thought it would taste like some nice gravy dish.

Last 3 days have been the hardest for me in a long while. I can stand pain , fear nythin ! But not hunger!! I HAVE to eat some tasty food. Dunno how I will survive on this bland food! But doc has given me strict instructions not to eat nything remotely spicy,fried food.

My hungry days continue ...

( ps : must admit though, this plain food makes me feel better :-) Dont need to exercise much when i'm on such diet :D )

Ciao,
1mM0rT3l

My Liver

2006-08-07T13:49:00.000+05:30

I was gung ho this week. Worked furiously trying to complete all assignments n project work before deadlines. Everything goin as planned. Then it had to happen!

I was pretty tired on friday night, so ordered some food. The next day had a presentation so worked till late. Then exhaustion hit me real hard. Felt queasy , thought I had a stomach upset. Things got real bad at 1Am. So messaged friends that I couldn't make it through to the presentation.

Next day got a liver test done! n it showed pretty high SGPT , SGOT results. So back to square one! No fried , spicy food, no preservatives!! I was goin2 visit my parents place on saturday. When I had gone there late at night , they knew something was wrong. Visited my regular doc there n he ordered me to rest for a week. On mom's insistence , will b staying here till wednesday!!

Well I thought my visit here would be really good. Nice spicy food n all :) Unfortunately I'm eating real bland food now. If I was wise enough ,should have stayed back at my aparment :P Atleast could eat something edible! Cant over rule mom's orders now!!

Anyways think this should relax those liver function levels lil bit. Eating all this tasteless food!

Should be back to normal in few days! Back to my old bed , slept real hard for almost 12 hrs the other day!! Will move to apartment on wednesday , if mom permits that is ...

Goin thru bumpy , hungry ride!!

Ciao ,
1mM0rT3l

My Deja Vu ,My Deja Vu

2006-07-28T15:39:00.000+05:30

So university has finally reopened! Been a longtime!! My first day back , was deja vu of sorts. Had the feeling I had done the attending lectures stuff in some other life :P Had never stayed up late at the university for the entire day!

It's been a week now. Pretty hectic week, I must say. Now I havent been to work for a long time now n its started to bug me. But I have promised not to rejoin work atleast for next few months. Results are out. n I have scored pretty decently. Dont have to repeat any subjects as I had feared :D But have to buckle up and work real hard for the next semester. Well I have started the ground work now, ie studying regularly rather than one day before exams :)

Hope things work out fine for me this way. No work all study should up my grades by a good deal for the next semester!

It seems like I'm back to high school. Attending almost all classes, doing assignments , projects,nall. No movies for me since almost 2-3 weeks now. Got to catch up with Pirates of the Carribean this weekend though! Hope its as good as the earlier one!

Ciao ,
1mM0rT3l

My Monday Beeyaches(read bitches!)

2006-06-27T01:48:00.000+05:30

lol
Very stupid thing really, if u ask me.
I spend almost an hour going through mails,blogs , n a min in commenting :P
n I found these few whatdoucall 'links' from a blog

First one's called Monday's a Bitch
n other one is Tuesday Twosome
I'm givin it a try :P
I like the monday beeches thingie. Like to answer bitchie questions :P

1. After a hard break-up, do you tend to hold on to photos and other things that remind you of the past relationship, or do you destroy all mementos as a sort of coping experience?
---> No way!!! Destroy everything or just sell 'em !!

2. After a horrible break-up, wherein you feel someone's done you wrong, do you tend to let it slide and move on, or search out some revenge? Any stories you'd care to share?
---> Just move on. Revenge is sweet thou!

3. Have you ever broken up with someone, only to wind up dating them again, or becoming friends with them again? Did this happen because one of you or something about the relationship changed? Or were you not meant to break-up in the first place?
---> Never dated again eww that wud b wierd , friends yes sure.

4. Do you take the time to learn from your mistakes in different relationships and friendships after they end, or do you move on as fast as possible?
---> Move on !! Get tht hell out of the mind fassst enuff!

5. In your opinion, is trying to stay friends with a former romantic partner after a break-up a good idea or a bad idea?
---> Good idea , unless she gets drunk n ur nearby :P

Ciao,
B nice and bitchy ,
1mM0rT3l

My Dm Trouble (?) n My Adios to Work!!

2006-06-10T12:06:00.000+05:30

My DM Scare (not really) :

I was busy the whole week. Many things happening all round. First I experienced some muscle pain and weakness earlier this week. Felt bit nervous. Coz I hadn't experienced it for longtime now. n Just when things were improving , I got hit by a cyclist while going to work. Cussed at him big time . lol. He was goin on the wrong side n must have lost his balance or something.

The next day I had gone to the GP for general checkup (blood pressure nall). He happened to see my wound n advised me to take a tetanus injection. So i took the shot , n my right hand has swollen a great deal since. It's been almost 3-4 days n the swelling n pain is still there.
:@ to the cyclist n tetanus shot!!

My Adios to work ( for an year !!!!!!) :

I finally summoned courage and decided mid week to quit my current job. I have no plans to shift to any other work place. I might take an year off from work. I have thought over it for almost 3months now. I guess I will have to concentrate on my studies for a while. I have to work in my final year at the university , by working on a project. So I thought 1 year was no big deal. I have enough savings to take an year off now.

Since its a Master's degree , we have to study hard. n I have been unfair to myself. Most of the people at the university have taken 2 years off to complete the comp applications course.
So I'm formally on a SABBATICAL now. lol . Reminds me of a F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode when Ross goes on a sabbatical...Very funny episode!

My Boss : The A$$.... & FIFA World Cup 06 !! :

Most of my workmates were pretty chilled out bout my decision to quit. I was due for a sort of promotion to the software development dept in few months. So some ppl did remind me of that. But that's OK I guess. I will work there after 1 year anyways! So no problemo!

My boss was pretty pissed off . He shouted at me that I had to give 21 days notice or somethin!!wtf. I checked the company policy n with HR ppl. They said nothing of that sort. So gave an earful to MY BOSS :P before leaving , good naturedly ofcourse. Still he was pretty mad at me.

In hindsight , it was always possible for me to stay a month longer , coz the university doesnt start before July 1st/2nd week :D But FIFA World Cup has started yesterday n theres no way Im goin to miss it!! lol

I might travel a lil bit too this month, before my semester begins.

Peace n Adios to work for now!
1mM0rT3l

My Test results , DaVinci Code & Big DoGG

2006-05-28T22:50:00.000+05:30

My Test Results:
I will start from where I left off in the earlier post. I had just finished my dinner. I went to the car park to get my blood test reports. Was bit excited , felt that this could finally be the day when my cpk could be in the normal range!!

Was pretty disappointed...My cpk is HIGH. At the moment it is 449(Normal:upto200). My SGPT,SGOT was high by a lil margin ..was round 50 n normal is 40. These are liver function parameters...So I should prolly cut down on fried food n chicken :P It's been a long time since my cpk was normal. My Cpk has remained high since 9 years now. Just for a brief period (2-3months) in 99 it was within acceptable range.

Big Dogg:
Ok I committed a very stupid mistake yesterday. Told my friend whos a health freak that I would accompany him for his morning jog on weekends. I was Gung Ho about my fitness yesterday. But I guess felt weak bout the decision today mornin. He called me up twice , but I dint accept his call :P He later came home at 7:30am & rang my door bell for a real looongg time. Damn! I had to get ready n go for the jog.

He had brought a gal friend. Now I really dont have ny problems while joggin with more than 2 ppl. So what if I cant keep up with em !! But the problem here was that she had brough 2 big doggs. Shes some sort of baby sitter or somthin ....for dogs :P (mebe I should call here dogsitter or somethin) !!! We ran for like half n hour...I was terribly exhausted. Hadn't worked out for like a month now.

We had some sort of juice at the beach. Some kind of health drink prepared by some senior citizen club. It tasted good.(slurp!) Heaven. After that she handed me one of the dog , coz my friend had gone to bring his car out of the parking lot. I would have volunteered for the drivin thing .. but my friend was gone in a jiffy.

Now I must say that dog was HUGE when I stared at him while sitting. As soon as she handed him to me, he really came over me!!!! It's not as if I hate dogs. I luv em. As long as they are not as big as my kid bros. I simply stared at him , as he offered me his 2 paws! She startled me by screamin at me. She told me to kick his BALLS!!!:P What the ...... Dint understand what she meant ...I dint want to destroy future generations.................................of the dog!!:P
She shouted at him n it somehow must have pacified the dog or somethin...
I was standing there, acting as if I had to find a loo pretty fast :P

DaVinci Code:
Thats prolly the 8th/9th movie I'm watching this week!!! Record of sorts!!
It was an AWESOME movie!! I had read the book. So found it really hard to miss. With Tom Hanks n more over Audrey Tautou ;) It's one of the perfect book transformed to movie kindof movie :D First on the list might be Godfather n LOTR fcourse :)

Ciao n Peace ,
1mM0rT3l

My DM Story

2006-05-26T01:50:00.000+05:30

I am transferred to the Documentation department for coupla days now. Not much mind scratching work here. Just need to document software prepared by the company.

Right now , I am not too busy , so thought of writing my DM case history. It would be helpful to me , if i forget about the case history EVER!. The thing is , I might have lost the med case history papers. Or will have to search it at my parents place. So thought of jotting down whatever I remember. Here goes...

Worst phase :
Between February-March 9 I was suffering from stomach upsets , vommiting n had grown weak. None of my docs could diagnose a particular disease. On 10 March I had severe convulsions and I slipped into a semi conscious state. On 16 March according to my docs my situation grew very serious. Had servere convulsions. For about a week I was in a coma. Now I dont remember the exact date , but around 28 I recovered from the coma. Till then I had not been diagnosed as a DM patient.

Getting diagnosed with DM :
When I recovered from the coma , I thought the worst was behind me. I couldnt see anything or walk after my recovery. Slowly I began to improve. By 15-25 April I think I started to walk some distance. Soon I was discharged. But within few days , my condition worsened. It so happened that my doc was out of town. So I had to take medical opinion of a neurologist.

He had me admitted to a hostpital. I was put on a tube , coz I couldn't eat anything , I used to spit my saliva out , coz I couldn't swallow it sometimes!! I was in a real bad shape then. Lot of muscle wasting all around. Then I underwent muscle, skin biopsy. The doc then diagnosed me with Dermatomyositis. I was put on a high steriod dosage , through IV for first couple of days. I never knew I would have to take that awful bitter prednisone for next coupla years !! It was really bad. Made me sweat like crazy n the other side effects I came to know , wayyy later. Awful drug anyone would say. But it helped me restore my muscle power , slowly got my eyesight back.

By the time I was discharged from the hospital , it was june. Just before that they put me on a gastro tube since it had been 2 months since i had that tube through nose/mouth. They puncured the abdomen area n put through the tube. They told me that it was hygenic , n could be put there for more days than the nose tube.

Some improvement atlast!! :
Soon it was July, we were looking for a physio therapist , coz my situation had hardly improved. I still couldn't lift my neck ,couldnt get up n sit on my own. Forget the other routines. My family took great care n I can never forget that time. Just reminds me how much one can love n take care of a person.

Anyways coming back to the physio therapy issue, I did get an awesome phyiotherapist. Later on she became sort of a Mentor for me. Within few weeks she made me sit on my own , which was a great achievement then!! Soon she made me independent of others. I am thankful to her to this day. Without her help I wouldn't have gone this far.

Yet another diagnosis :P
Soon it was october...I had not started walking yet. It didn't concern me much , coz my other muscles were developing by a great deal. The only concern then was a low grade fever that I had for like 15-20 days. Soon my family thought there was a need to change my doc. Coz it had been a month since I was getting low grade fever in the evenings.

My new doc was a rheumatologist. He started me with a medicine , that stopped the fever immediately.(dont remember the name now ,will have to look into old prescriptions).
I had to take a liver biopsy. The liver biopsy couldn't prove what he was hoping to diagnose me for.
It was a disease called CytoMagello Virus(CMV)!! . Anyways it didn't affect me much. In my mind I stuck with the DM diagnosis. Since he had hardly changed my medication ,just the pill for the fever, I dint care.

My Great Recovery :
Now every patient goes through this 'great speedy recovery' stage. I too went through it. In the first week of december. I walked with the help of walking splints. These were attached to my legs , holding them , giving support so I could walk on my own. I walked for the first time in 6-7 months!! Never felt better. Soon I had that 'speedy recovery'. A month before my school days were goin to restart , I visited my school for the first time after an year. I missed one year of education. Dint affect me much. Was bit worried though coz I couldnt walk on my own . Needed support now and then. But those worries vanished , as soon as school started , I improved a lot . I could walk on my own. I used the elevators coz my class was on the third floor. There wasn't anything much of note those days that I can write about. Nothing serious or different. Same old stuff. First few months of school I enjoyed the most.

I might be the only student in my class then who enjoyed attending school , lectures :) I used to attend all the lectures even during exam time, when most of the class used to bunk lectures. My grades were pretty good. I completed my school course in 2000 with awesome grades,marks.

My college Days :
I enrolled myself for an Information Technology course later. I couldn't do engineering studies , cause the practicals were too much of a strain. My college days were great. I got my driving license in 2002 when I turned 18!! That was a great moment of my life coz I love driving cars. I graduated in 2005. Now I am pursuing a post graduation computer applications course.
During my college days , the only problem I had was that I was diagnosed with optic nerve atrophy in 2005. I can't see with my right eye. Can make out shapes,colours nall . But can't read anything not even the big letters!!

That was a bit of a let down. But other than that life has been too good. Awesome in my words!
My driving still continues...though I do play outdoor games like cricket,volley ball, soccer I'm not too good in those. Get beaten by most of my fellow friends !:P It's not that I cant run or react fast enough. It's just because I cant see with my right eye n have ot depend on my left eye too much.
But still I enjoy spending time playing such games than sitting at home n watching movies n reading books.

So thats it. That was my DM story . This has been a long post I guess. I was wary of blogging earlier , dunno but it helps in some way!! Oof enough of this for now, Gtg. Reading all these things reminds me of a book I read before 'Tough times never last , but tough people Do!'

Ciao n Peace ,
1mM0rT3l

My Shutdown

2006-05-21T19:23:00.000+05:30

I had enough rest since friday , coz I finished my semester examination n I haven't gone to work since then!! Still feeling bit tired. Must be all the stress of last week.

Now my boss is going to be mighty pissed on thursday when he finds out I haven't been to work for 1 week. A lazy ass that I have been since 2 days , I totally forgot to buy meds for 2 days now!! Med shops closed today , so will wait till tomm morning. Rather than driving 50 mile to the next shop. Just hope that doesnt affect my tests on wednesday by much.

The good thing is I turned off my cell phone since yesterday !! I thought of shutting down my daily routine system for next 3 days. Will restart it on thursday. I will just rest now. No more calls from work.

I will prolly go for a movie today/tomm...might watch Da Vinci Code !! Lets c...if i get tickets fcourse ! Just chilling now. Eating chips,fries n drinking Mountain dew :)

Watched coupla movies n football matches that I missed last week.
The Champions league final between Arsenal n Barcelone was Awesome ! So was the FA Cup final between Liverpool n West Ham. I had just watched bits n parts of those matches till now.

Hoping to meet some old friends tonite. Hope everything goes as planned !!

Ciao

My Big Screw Up :(

2006-05-17T15:44:00.000+05:30

Aww !! I'm feeling awful right now. Just came back after appearing for my Mathematical theories paper. Messed up big time!! Might have to repeat the paper again next semester :(( or mebe not.....will have to check when results r out. Mebe it was due for sometime now. .. Been aloof about studying for couple of months now. Although I'm a top scorer from my comp applications class , I'm finding it difficult to concentrate. Mebe its coz of work..dunno. Will have to take some firm decision regarding work n studies , once results are out. Just 1 more examination remaining. Hope it goes fine.

The only good thing happening to me since 2 days was that I have got work-leave authorized from my boss. So I can now relax from Monday-Wednesday. Gave a lame excuse , told him I had to carry out some tests in a hospital outside city !! Wasn't really expecting he would grant me leave. Really surprised !!

Anyways , I do have to carry out blood tests from the local pathology. Cpk , liver functions nall. Hope everything would be normal this time !! Atleast the cpk level. I had stopped checking my CPK level since 6months back. My CPK level has been high since 9 yrs now(since 97). Just once for about 2-3months it was below normal levels (that was prolly in 99) !!

The only thing I'm looking forward to next week are the blood tests. I have been doing normal stuff for like 6-7 yrs now. Still dunno what makes my CPK shoot up. Really confused sometimes. Docs are not too worried. Just keep changing medicines. Even i'm not worried , just the sort of thing that remains in the back of my mind.

So I prolly wont be going out this weekend . Thinking of lazing around in my room for 5days!!!!
Might catch up with some movies on dvd. n watch all those Scrubs episodes that i missed !! The option of going out of town is enticing. But I guess if I do that then I might be tired which would prolly mess up my cpk results.

I had thought of posting next week , 100 things bout myself :P or something. But was really pissed off today. I think I might miss work too. Yeaaa !!! .I should go to sleep now!!! Have hardly slept last week. Been sleeping at 4-5 am n getting up early for exams!! Wooff me goin 2 sleep now. Really tired ! Screw studies , screw work !

Ciao

My First Post

2006-05-11T07:23:00.000+05:30

I m mortel
Wow my first words in blog world. Well I finally decided to create a blog , on my dear friend's insistence. I have been commenting on everyone's blogs n found it amusing. But I guess this experience will make me wise n I will prolly think twice before posting crazy $h*! on other ppls blogs :P

Btw I am 23 yrs old. This blog is about my experience with DM n other stuff(ie my life).
I was diagnosed with Dermatomyositis in 1997. I have been on meds since then. I can say "I'm in in remission" now. Coz I can do all the stuff that my crazy friends can do. Like going for real long walks, trekking(fell down couple of time while jumping thou!), playing ping pong (the only game I dont suck at now) ,pool n wt not...

Still I do have some DM effects over me - like calcinosis(i hate tht stuff) , diminished vision(not bcoz of dm, but optic nerve atrophy) , high CPk levels (I know still I count myself in remission state) n lil weak bones(they hurt hellofalot when i fall down or hit some1 :P n IM goin to do just tht if u guyz r goin 2 post silly comments) .

But meds r on an all time low n that makes me happy. Post DM life has been good. I m doing a Post graduation course in computer applications. Work seems ok.

Mann now I cant think of nything more to add. It was a very stupid suggestion 'Ni' (I have sworn not to write ny1s name here). I cud have never completed 1000 words!!! Prolly not even 200 :P Do count all the words n let me know , if i crossed 1000. Ur not goin2 get ny beer party nyways. I hate booze :P

Enuff for now I guess!! I will try to come up with 1000 things about myself in my next post...or make it 100!! Now I better go n study I have n exam tomm!!!! Have to study somethin really fasst now!! U n ur stupid suggestions.. :@ !!!!!

Ciao